The Biggest Loser Principle

I've had coffee with many groups of mothers over the years and always heard similar conversations. Someone will raise a parenting issue that they are struggling with, and despite plenty of suggestions, none will really seem like the right solution to this problem. Having been a mother for over 11 years now, I know that more than our ideas, other mothers really just want our support. Because, to deal with most parenting problems, you have to face the fear of change before you're ready to actually make any change.

This topic came up with a colleague the other day, and I suggested that it's like The Biggest Loser. All of those people on the show, at some point realise that the way things are is much worse than the could be if they changed. As my friend put it, "The pain of change is less than the pain of remaining the same." I think this is a pretty good principle in life - the Biggest Loser Principle.

We can offer our friends, co-workers, family and clients all sorts of advice and support, but ultimately, people only change when the scales swing in favour of change and they find the inner strength to move towards that preferred outcome rather than stay in their comfort zone. That's when we need to be good friends and step in as their cheer squad when their motivation and enthusiasm fades. But, we can never get that ball rolling. Only they can. Just like on The Biggest Loser.

Flying with Kids

I'm about to take my 9 year old son with me to New Zealand to visit my grandmother. This is the second time I'm taking one of the kids to visit her, having taken my daughter 2 years ago when she was 5.

I'm becoming a savvy traveller with kids, and this time, instead of buying the cheapest airfare I could afford, I've made sure I've got the cheapest package I could find.

You see last time, I flew with a no-frills, no-food airline. I'd packed plenty of games and books and food to get us through the 3 hour flight, but I hadn't thought about what would happen if the person beside us wasn't so organised. True to Murphy's Law, the person beside us was the mother of a flight attendant, so she received every bit of food and drink complimentary, as well as the use of one of those little DVD things they have on those airlines. My daughter managed to cope with the feelings of jealousy, long enough for us to get out of the airport and into a McDonald's store when we finally arrived in Auckland.

Then on the return trip, I convinced her to have a sleep and I'd buy her a hot breakfast rather than eat in the very expensive airport before our 7am flight. That was all good, except that the airline put us up the back of the plane because of her age, and by the time the food cart got to us they'd sold out of hot breakfasts. Once again, we coped long enough to crawl through immigration and find Daddy and the boys, who were only too happy to take us out to breakfast after our week away.

This time around, I've chosen to fly with Air New Zealand. I'm looking forward to having breakfast on the plane, a nice cup of tea, and watching a movie while my son does the same thing beside me. It won't matter what other people do, because this is true luxury for our family!

Sometimes, you really do get what you pay for, but as that MasterCard ad reminds us, what price do you pay for peace and no stress? It's priceless.

Healthy Young Athletes

My kids were keen swimming trainers over last summer and all moved up into squads of varying difficulty. But it's clear to everyone in our family, that though they have lovely technique, they don't really have the speed to do really well at swimming.

I love the kids playing team sports through winter because I think it teaches them so much about the world. They learn how to work with others, even when they don't really like them. They learn to take direction from others and to sacrifice their own goals for the good of the team. The learn to win and lose gracefully too. But overall, I think getting kids into sport gives them physical activity habits that will set them up well for adulthood.

Other friends have had their children swimming through the winter, and the coach has often asked through them when we are coming back. We returned to swimming just a few weeks ago, but then the colds and flu moved in, so we held off while everyone got well. It's now been six weeks and the kids are still coughing and sneezing, so I think we still have another couple of weeks rest ahead of us. But still the coach asks.

I have to say it's really starting to annoy me. I'm feeling pressured to get our kids back to swimming. But lets face it, they're aged 7, 9, and 11. They could still be Olympic swimmers and not have been in the water yet. So today I'm just reminding myself that I'm the parent and she's the coach. As a parent, I know my kids need to be well to enjoy life to the full, so the best place for them at the moment isn't the pool, but at home.

There's plenty of time to swim next month and the month after. Now I just have to pluck up the courage to be strong in front of the coach. That might be a little harder...

Leftover Vegetable Soup

For the last couple of years, I've discovered a liking for soups, particularly just before I go shopping and I've got a fridge full of aging produce.

I've discovered that you can throw just about any vegetables together to make a tasty soup, but today's was a particularly nice batch, so I'll record it here for future reference.

Put chopped zucchini, broccoli, half a cup of soaked lentils and corn off the cob into a large saucepan with about a litre of water and some miso soup paste. Bring to the boil then simmer for 10 minutes or so.

Add a wedge of chopped pumpkin and a tin of berlotti beans, stir well and simmer for another 10-15 minutes. Take off the heat and season with salt and pepper.

Serve when ready with a crusty bread roll or add a small packet of udon noodles to the soup.

Yummy!

And the good thing is, it's low in fat but really filling.

Cooking Teaches Children Healthy Food Habits

Have you heard that line, that if you get your kids involved in the kitchen they'll pick up better eating habits?

Why is it that whenever my kids get busy in the kitchen they only really want to make the unhealthy stuff and that it hasn't really changed any of their food habits?

I've had pizza nights where they make their own, and one or two of them will still choose the mega meatlovers, with the token slice of tomato because I've said they have to have one vegetable. Or they'll help make a curry or casserole only to say they don't actually want to eat it when it's time to serve the meal.

Rather than beat myself up as a bad parent, I've actually decided that the best I can do is offer healthy meals full of lots of colour, texture and taste. There's nothing to gain from fights at the dinner table over what they eat, so instead I just offer healthy meals and leave it to them to eat their fill, even if that is mostly plain rice or pasta. I've also taken to cheating by giving them multivitamins so that most of the essentials are covered, even if they're not getting it from food.

The trade off has been that they enjoy helping out in the kitchen without the pressure of eating everything they prepare, and the dinner table is a safe place for conversation and connection, not discipline and arguments.

Having said all that, the cookies were great - I might just have one now with a calming cup of tea.

Jet Truck at Ekka

We went to the Ekka the other night - a huge country fair right here in Brisbane. We had an awesome time as a family, with no tantrums or tears. The highlight for all of us was the night entertainment on the centre oval. I think I've had my fill of woodchopping, whip-cracking, horse-dancing, utes driving and motorbike thrills, but it was the jet truck that really stole the show.

This truck was an old World War 2 truck of some sort with a huge get engine on the back (a bit like the one in the picture, but just not as new!). It drove around the oval, burning off jet fuel with about 20 blasts and the heat could be felt all over the grandstands.

In this age of aggressive occupational health and safety, I can't actually believe that they were allowed to have this crazy contraction. I can just see the headlines - "4000 people burnt to a crisp in crazy Ekka stunt!"

My boys thought it was a ball, and I was just glad when it was over, but it made me realise, that if this is still possible, then surely so many other things are permissible with the right controls in place? As playgrounds and school yards get more and more safety aware that they take away the risk and fun, isn't it time that we had a 'jet truck' approach to childhood also?

Thank goodness that the fireworks finished the night off perfectly and we all got home in one piece. Perhaps we'll go again in a few years time... who's betting the jet truck's back then too!

Work Travel

I've just started packing for a week away at a work conference next week. I had never really been away for work, until I got this job, but after 3 years of regular travel, I've learnt a thing or two about how to pack well.

My top 10 things to pack are:

1. a sleeping mask - because you never know who you'll share a room with, and it's nice to be able to go to sleep when you want, not when everyone else wants
2. your joggers - so you can get some exercise to make up for the huge amounts of artery-clogging food you're offered
3. a packet of paracetamol - headaches always seem to accompany a day of meetings
4. your own pillow - there's nothing like having the comfort of your own pillow to make up for a different bed
5. your phone charger - leaving this at home brings much heartache
6. slippers - there's nothing nicer for the end of a long day or for those early mornings when you're waiting for your turn in the shower
7. a mattress protector - sleeping on a plastic-coated mattress covered in just a sheet is not my idea of luxury
8. something to read - if you get woken up early and you can't get back to sleep, at least you have something to do without having to get out of bed
9. a headlamp or torch - to help you read without disturbing other
10. going out pj's - it's time to leave the daggy t-shirt and shorts or the fancy lingerie at home and pack decent pyjamas that you don't mind being seen in

Now I just have to follow my own advice and make sure I pack it all...

Mother Guilt

I had two children home sick yesterday, one of them very ill. Yet, I had a work commitment that I needed to fulfil. Have you ever been in that boat?

In the end I settled the very sick child into bed with the phone and ran out the door, fixing up my work matter in one hour, and returning home to find him still fast asleep. As I was driving back home, I had a real sense of not being a good mother. What mother does that - leaves a sick child at home for work?

I've discovered in the last decade of mothering, that these decisions pop up all too often. Should I go on that work trip or stay and see that special concert? Will my child cope if I don't see them win a ribbon at the sports carnival because I've got a client to see? Is feeding my children toasted sandwiches for dinner really that bad when I've got so much work to do?

I've decided that parenting is all about the 51%. It doesn't matter what you do 49% of the time, as long as 51% of the time, you get it right, and throw in a few peak moments in the year where they know without a doubt that you love them to bits.

An article in The Australian on the weekend (25-26 July, Inquirer 19) covered just this topic of "The Struggle to Juggle". It said that the most telling finding from the Australian Work and Life Index 2009 were that a large proportion of women "feel rushed or pressed for time". The researchers felt this was because generally, all workers work more than the want, but also because women carry the major burden of running households.

It just reminded me that life is all about balance, maintaining the spheres of work, caring for yourself and your family, maintaining your home and having fun in some sort of functional equilibrium. I'm not saying it's easy though!

Inoculatte

I've been reading the book 101 Things to Do Before You Diet, by Mimi Spencer. It's all about taking up a healthy lifestyle, rather than getting caught up in fad diets and wasting hours pondering how your body is going to ruin while you stuff your mouth with cake.

I've really been enjoying the book which is full of commonsense, plenty of research and bucketfuls of fun.

Today I stumbled across the concept of 'inoculatte'. It's a term dubbed by the Washington Post to the habit of "taking coffee intravenously when you're running late" and indicates a greater social problem with food - not having enough time to prepare healthy meals.

I work in an organisation where people consume heaps of coffee, and as a non-coffee drinker, it's easy to get sucked into the hot chocolates to match their high consumption. This paragraph today just reminded me how important it is to plan meals, no just run out the door and think about lunch at 12pm, which I've been getting into a habit of when I go into work.

Mimi talks about how life has always included food, and that there is so much more to food than the simple eating. We need to remember the social aspects of eating, like eating together around a table and enjoying a conversation, all the while slowing our meals down so we aid digestion as well as connection with others. She also talks about taking pleasure in our food, and not getting caught up on the guilt of particular foods and then gorging ourselves on those foods to deal with our guilt.

I know I've spent plenty of time thinking about eating healthier this week, and as a result, I've actually been enjoying my time in the kitchen, rather than dreading it. I can only hope that this continues!

MasterChef Winner

With an afternoon sleep under our belts, my husband, the 3 kids and myself all lept on the couch to enjoy the finale of MasterChef. We only got into the series a couple of weeks ago, but it really has lifted everyone's interest in food, cooking and the presentation of meals.

For dinner last night, I put a whole lot of leftovers on the bench with a loaf of bread and the sandwich press and let everyone make their own meal. My daughter was careful to 'plate' her dinner as proudly as Poh or Julie tackled the dishes later.

What I liked about both Poh and Julie was their desire to win, but their happiness for the other and the acknowledgement that both have learnt so much that neither can view themselves as a loser. So often in this world, we get caught up with someone being the winner, without realising that even those who come 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc have gained something they didn't have at the beginning.

I'm glad Julie won, because I think she represents every Mum, who straps on the oven gloves at 6pm each nights and tries to serve up nutritious meals that appeal to a picky clientele with a discerning palate. She clung to her cooking roots, but looked for fancy ways to present old favourites. I think that's a good analogy for parenting in these modern times - presenting old ideas and values in new, innovative ways.

Meanwhile, I've got a breakfast to prepare and plate...

State of Origin 3

Yesterday on my way to work I saw this intriguing scene at a house opposite Suncorp Stadium where the 3rd State Of Origin match was played.

The people who live in this house obviously didn't have tickets to the game, but spent the night enjoying a few drinks and soaking up the atmosphere of the game, from outside the stadium, not in it. They might not even have been watching the game on the TV, just following it by the rise and fall of the crowd's mood.

It got me thinking about how we can often forget to enjoy what we do have and make the most of the things around us, and just keep wanting what other people seem to get so effortlessly. If only we could all be content to enjoy the roar of the crowd and a few beers with friends, rather than chasing the action in the middle all the time.

It reminded me how important contentment is to a good life.

Swimming Squads

My kids returned to swimming training this morning.

It took some effort, being the first day of the school term. I'd packed the towels, goggles and caps the night before and put the drinks in the fridge ready to go too. But the morning required that effort to get up, get the swimmers on and leap in the car as the sun was peaking over the hills.

Ordinarily, my oldest child would be swimming in the darkness, but I thought he should ease back into the pool, particularly as he's throwing off the end of a cold, so we arrived at the pool at 6.45am reading for 7am plunge.

After about 4 laps the kids looked tired. It had nothing to do with the pool - it was a balmy 29 degrees, but the kids had got out of condition over the last 3 months while they've been concentrating on hockey and soccer. By the end of the hour they needed all the encouragement they could get to pull on their school uniforms, down a quick breakfast and head off to school for the day.

A part of me doesn't really like pushing the kids to do swimming as there's such an big expectation on them once they get to squad level, but my eldest boy wants to be age champion this year. He's got a good shot at it, but he's going to have to work for it too. He'll be needing to put in 3 or 4 90-minute sessions a week if he wants to do it. That's a pretty big commitment. Then there's the other 2 kids, who gain a lot of fitness from swimming. It's a good sport for Australian kids, because we have such long summers, so we're keen for our kids to be confident swimmers. But how much is too much?

Only time will tell, but I find that as a Mum I walk a fine line between letting the kids do everything, keeping the kids active enough, balancing the family budget and helping them realise their dreams. Share that around 3 kids and it can be pretty exhausting.

After the kids got to school today, I needed to sit down with a cup of tea and have a rest - it had been a bit of a shock to my system too, and I didn't even get wet! Lets see what Thursday brings, when we next head back to the pool.

Appliances on the Blink

Have you heard that old saying, "Bad things come in3's."?

Our dishwasher stopped heating water before the last school holidays, so we've been washing up by hand ever since. It's only really started bugging me this week, so I've decided to finally pay someone to get it fixed. And of course, that bills going to be in the hundreds of dollars.

And the last couple of weeks the washing machine's been making a horribly loud (and suspicious) whooshing noise when it spins. Sometimes I feel like it's almost cheaper to throw the machine out and just buy a new one, and with two appliances on the blink, the costs are mounting. Could I have another appliance about to die too?

I don't really believe in coincidences, any more than I believe in horoscopes. I think you can create a coincidence out of just about any circumstance, and most of the time, I put things down to God's timing rather than some random alignment of the stars.

But is there any truth in that old saying?

I think it's more likely that we're so busy looking for 3 things to go wrong, that we create problems for ourselves. It's the old idea of having a 'glass half full' view on life. I hope that's how it is, because with the repair bills for both appliances due this week, if anything else breaks down, we'll be doing without it for quite some time!

Amazing Race 14

There is building excitement in our house, with the Australian premier of Amazing Race 14 less than 2 weeks away.

This series has captivated our hearts - we love the oddball contestants, the arguing and strategy, but most of all, we love the travel. I think we're all armchair travellers, and because we haven't been able to see this big blue ball we live on, we really enjoy seeing the contestants flit from one country to another, scrambling over one another to win the $1 million prize.

We've got into a great habit of taping the programs and then watching them on Friday nights with a few like-minded friends as a great end to the week.

It goes to show that even the smallest of rituals in a family can have the best payoffs, so with the ice cream stocked up and the odd bottle of wine stored away, bring on the games!

Bushwalking

We went bushwalking at Binna Burra in the Gold Coast hinterland over the weekend. It was the most beautiful country I've seen in a long time. Massive waterfalls, enormous trees, craggy escarpments - it was just such lovely country.

But the highlight for me was the 16.6km hike that took our family of 5 (including our 7 year old) 8 hours. Sure we saw all these things, but it was the other things I saw that really stood out for me:

• I saw a family, who despite bickering over what TV shows they watch or who gets to sit where on the couch, actually love being together.
• I saw our kids helping each other out over the boulders and through the muddy sections, guiding the footsteps of those walking behind them.
• I saw us as parents learning new things from our kids and new things about our kids.
• I saw our quietest child, who has the least faith in himself, emerge as the leader, setting the pace and taking charge.
• I saw a family who found all sorts of things to talk about - faith, life, dreams and love.

If I could trade those 3 days in for any other 3 days in this life I wouldn't do it. They were some of the most precious days I have ever lived. It goes to show that it's not the big holidays that necessarily leave the biggest memories, because it's all about the quality of those memories.

A Bag of Lollies

Yesterday I bought a bag of mixed lollies. I didn't realise that the bag included about 15 bananas, which have no fans in our household. So instead of the holiday stash being full of lollies, the box was only about half full... pretty disappointing really.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that that bag was a good representation of life. Too often we rush into something, like a new job, a holiday, purchasing a new car etc, and then realise that there were lots of things we didn't realise came in that 'packet'.

In our house, the jelly babies, milk bottles and snakes go first from the lolly packet. Then the racing cars, strawberries and cream and the raspberries disappear. The black cats, pineapples and teeth are the last pickings. The poor old bananas are left in the bottom of the barrel until I throw them out or convince a visitor to scoff the lot.

We're heading off for a mini-break at the end of the week, and I know it will be just like that bag of lollies too. Everyone will be excited about going and jump into the task of packing the car. People will grumble and groan as we clean up the house before going, but they'll still pitch in because the holiday is before them. But when we get home... I know I'll get all the bananas - I'll be doing the washing long after they've jumped on the couch and turned the TV on.

I think I'm ok with that, I'll just have to make sure I find plenty of jelly babies and milkbottles to enjoy while we're away.

Washing Powder

I've worked out the list of attributes that a good washing powder needs to make clothes clean.

• A nice but light fragrance that tells you when something is clean
• A dash of stain remover to keep the whites whiter and the coloured less multi-coloured
• An ability to disolve and not just sit in the machine for the whole cycle
• An ability to protect the clothes from smelling when they've been sitting in a basket waiting to be hung out all day
• A good price that regularly comes on special

The one I've got at the moment does all this. It's a bit of a miracle wash, particularly with all the wet weather we've had lately. My clothes have been sitting around waiting to get dry a lot lately.

It's taken me a few years to find the washing powder that really works well for me, particularly in my front loader. I don't know if it's me just finally finding the right one, or whether the manufacturers have actually gone out and found what people need in a washing powder and then made their product fit that description.

Now I just have a few more products to get right in my house:

• a shower cleaner
• a self-vacuuming vacuum-cleaner
• something to deal with the dead animal smell in the car
• and, something to get the kids to do their jobs

That shouldn't be too hard, should it?

Getting Things Done

My son has an orthodontist appointment today, and it's true to say that he was not looking forward to it. We had to wake him to get him ready, as it was a really early appointment, and there was plenty of grumbling coming from under the doona.

He's been seeing the orthodontist for over a year now, and today they are taking his braces off, taking a new mould and then putting the brace back in until a retainer can be made for him. I know he'll be feeling pretty sad and sorry for himself by the end of the day.

Something that's surprised me is that he's still happy to go to the dentist, even though he's had quite a painful experience with his brace. I thought he would become one of those children that would avoid the dentist at any cost, but he's been quite happy to see our regular dentist for his checkup every 6 months.

When I have difficult things coming up, I know that all too often I try to 'bury my head in the sand' to avoid facing them. I talk tough to my kids, but I have to say I'm really cowering on the inside and would happily run the other way. Perhaps my son has picked up some of that stoic determination, that you've just got to do some things, so you might as well get them done and move on.

Maybe I'm not such a bad parent after all...

Household Chores & Kids

I'm having one of those weeks where the dirty washing is starting to invade the house and the ironing basket is now the major feature of the lounge room. It seems like the family roster for keeping the house clean and tidy has broken down.

Why is sharing the household chores so important to family life?

I think kids can only learn about the breadth of domestic work by taking part in it. We spent time on a property last school holidays, and our kids saw that to help their family stay afloat financially, the kids were needed to muster cattle, feed the animals and work within the house, from basically dawn to dusk. They were under no illusions by the time we left that their lives were very easy and that they took on far less work within our house than we did.

Teaching the kids to clean the toilet, put their washing away so that it's neat and doesn't get crushed, and cleaning up their bedrooms might not be a huge contribution to the running of the house, but it teaches them to pull their weight, which hopefully will be helpful when they get their first job or move into a share house. It also gives them plenty of time to see you and how you operate as an adult.
What can you do to make sure everyone is helping to keep the house tidy?

We've tried heaps different ways of doing the roster and the only thing I've found that really works is a really simple one. Our current roster is a wheel that rotates around each week. Everyone in the house gets one job - cleaning the toilets, rubbish duty, unpacking the dishwasher, sweeping the floor etc, and one breakfast during the week to prepare and serve.

The only downfall seems to come at the end of term when people have lots of things on and lots of projects and they run out the door without doing their job.

I'm still trying to work out how to deal with this, but I find reminding them calmly over the dinner or breakfast table has worked much better than yelling and stamping my feet at them. I've also found that I've got to make sure I've done my jobs before I start hassling them about doing their share.

Embracing Change

I can remember when my daughter started prep a couple of year ago. She has my stature, so the size 4 shirt was like a tent on her and the had was more of an umbrella. But none of that stood in the way of here embracing school life. She'd watch her two older brothers start school and was ready for it all - walking to school with the giant backpack, eating lunch with the other kids, going to music lessons and sport on the oval.

Fast forward 3 years, and last night I spent hours helping her finish off a poster on moths, now that she's in Year 2. She announced, as I tucked her into bed, that we still have to print out some pictures of moths this morning, and reminded me that it's dress up day today and she'd like to go as a Heffalump. I'm not too confident that the dress up box can deliver on such an ambitious project and I'm fearing what reaction I'll get when I and the box let her down.

Unlike most of the family, my daughter loves new experiences. Every new school year is exciting to her because she knows that she's now allowed in a new part of the school or able to do something else that only "the big kids" can do. The rest of us realise that changes around us require us to change, and that that is usually an unpleasant experience. I think my daughter has such a positive outlook because she's always been too young, so she's had to wait for everything and watch from the sidelines as others try new things.

Wouldn't it be great if we could experience change as an adult with the same sense of excitement and longing. That new job, the move to the new house, the children going to high school or leaving home - they're all things that adults find quite stressful, but if we went in with the attitude of a child starting school, wouldn't we find joy in these changes?

First-time Family Camping

We've just started talking about what we're going to do during the holidays. We think we'll sneak off for a 'mini-break', family camping style.

If you haven't gone camping as a family, then I'd recommend it as a cheap means of resetting the family compass and reconnecting with one another. There's nothing like working together to set up camp and sharing a meal that you've prepared together.

I think there are 10 things that are essential purchases for any family getting into camping:

1. A good tent - but not one that is too big. Buy a tent that's just big enough to accommodate everyone when they're sleeping and still give you room to get out to the toilet if needed. You also need a bit of space to store clothing and belongings.
2. A large tarpaulin - this goes over the tent, which is essential when camping in Queensland because the weather can change so quickly, the storms can be pretty fierce and the sun is pretty punishing too. A tarp gives your family a living room space outside of the tent, which is a must in our blistering summers. Just make sure you buy enough poles, ropes and pegs to put it up.
3. A decent esky - you don't need an icebox or fridge unless you're planning to camp in really isolated places or lug a generator, but a decent esky will keep your food and drinks cold with the odd bag of ice thrown in.
4. A butane stove - these little cartridge stoves are so portable and you can buy the fuel at K-mart or Big W, as well as camping stores. They're great with kids because they produce just enough heat to boil water, but they're pretty safe around kids.
5. Bedding - We've discovered 4WD mats, which just roll out and self-inflate. They also stack on top of each other during the day when you need more space in the tent. If you've got some old air mattresses, then make sure you replace them with these when the time comes. Your camping experience will never be the same again.
6. Crates - We now use crates for everything. Food, cooking utensils, clothing, games... If you buy lots of crates at the same time, you'll find they stack nicely on top of each other, which makes packing a breeze and helps you keep the tent tidy when moving from day to night and back again.
7. A camping table and chairs - These are a must. The table gives you somewhere to cook and eat, somewhere to play games and somewhere to put things off the ground if you find yourself in a torrential downpour.
8. Light - If you haven't got a dolphin torch or a battery operated lantern, then these can both be handy, but our family have really taken to using headlamps. You can pick them up for around $40 at Anaconda, and it means everyone has enough light to see what they're doing and still has both hands free. They are also much kinder on batteries.
9. Uno, Skipbo, Scrabble or any other games - Games are a must on any family holiday but especially when camping. There are plenty of times when you have to wait and grabbing a pack of cards or game can really add to the camping experience.
10. A packet of marshmallows, chocolate and wine - no camping holiday is complete without roasting marshmallows, even if it is on the butane stove, and I can't recommend highly enough the restorative effects of a block of chocolate and a glass of wine after a long day of camping with the kids.

The only other thing you'll need then is a trailer to fit it all in and your togs!

School Holiday Survival Guide

Well the holidays are getting very close, and won't we all be glad to have a break from packing all those lunches and scrabbling around for clean uniforms. I can almost hear the fighting now.

I have 3 essential elements to my holiday survival guide, so if you're new to school holidays, I hope you find this helpful.

1. Napisan - holiday peace comes with a large bucket of Napisan to soak away the excesses of the school term. My kids are magnets for stains, including that tell-tale grungy grey stain where the shirt hangs over their shorts. Napisan has a way of restoring my motherly pride as a good housekeeper.
2. Fine weather - I know you can't control the weather, but fine weather is definitely a blessing when it comes to the holidays. Good holidays are dependent on exhausted children and the best way I've found to make that happen is to keep the kids moving. Whether it's riding to the park and playing soccer, hiking in the bush, going to the beach (if it's not too cold) or exploring the city sights, being outside is definitely the best way to wear the kids out.
3. Boring movies - most holiday nights in our family are movie nights, where the kids are allowed to watch a movie after bath time. Over the years I've discovered that the more they've watched a movie, the quicker they fall asleep, particularly if part to of the plan has been implemented. Watching Toy Story or High School Musical one more time guarantees an early bedtime for the kids and a few hours of peace for the grown ups. What more could you want?

3D Glasses

My husband had to go away last night to the coldest part of our state, Stanthorpe. He was madly packing for this impromptu trip, when he decided he needed is thermal leggings. Where else would we keep them than in the dress up box, so my daughter when to retrieve them for him. While digging through it, she called out "Do you need 3D glasses for your trip?"
It was a very funny moment, but led me to think, "What use are 3D glasses if you're not going to a 3D movie?"

• I suppose they could be prove to be a fashion accessory, although they might take some time to take off as a trend. They could also impair your vision, so they probably shouldn't be worn when driving.
• They might enhance the mirrorball experience at a nightclub or party. But again, you might stand out as a little strange and have to work hard to convince everyone that you're hip.
• Could 3D glasses improve your golf swing? I can't play golf at the best of times, but maybe confusing your eyes might assist get the ball where you wanted it in the first place.

Actually, the more I think about it, 3D glasses really are completely useless, and our pair will probably stay in the dress up box well past the days when the kids actually do dress up.

Best Cupcake Recipe Ever

My kids have their sports carnival today and I'm up at 5.30am cooking cupcakes for the tuckshop stall. I'm just whipping up my basic cupcake recipe.

In fact, this cupcake recipe is so easy my children can make them, but with some fancy icing and decorating, they dazzle even the best cooks.

So here it is....

You'll need:
125g butter
2/3 cup caster sugar
3 eggs at room temperature
a dollop of vanilla extract
2 cups of self-raising flour
1/3 cup milk

Then:
Preheat the oven to 180 degrees. Fill a muffin tray with paper muffin cases, this recipe will make between 12 and 15 cupcakes. Beat the butter and sugar together in a large bowl until pale and creamy. Add the eggs, one at a time, and then the vanilla. Beat until combined. Stir in half the flour, followed by the milk, followed by the remaining flour. Spoon into the muffin cases. Bake for around 18 minutes until golden.

Once the cupcakes are cool you can mix up icing and add your decorations. My favourite icing recipe is 3/4 cup icing sugar, sifted, with 2 tablespoons of butter and 2 tablespoons of milk, mixed together with a little food colouring.

So far, I've decorated these cupcakes with marshmallow flowers (like the ones above), sprinkles, lollies and chocolate shavings. But today, we're going for the sports house colours - red, yellow and green.

Lets hope the green team wins!

All in a Name

I have a daughter named Olivia. I have to admit we didn't put much thought into choosing her name, we kind of just liked it. But I've discovered a few things about Olivias. They seem to have a specific personality. I haven't met an Olivia that doesn't have a fierce determination to be better than everyone else in the room. They are loud and energetic. They are giggly and boyish. In fact, they are just like that little pig, Olivia, made famous by Ian Falconer.

Apparently, it was Shakespeare who made up the name Olivia, for a wealthy character in his play, The Twelfth Night. It's derived from something to do with olive trees and is seen to symbolise fruitfulness, beauty and dignity. That sounds nice doesn't it.

Now, Olivia the pig has a TV show that my daughter had taken delight in watching. It's a lovely little show where Olivia gets into some mischief and has to put the world to right by the end of the episode. A couple of days ago, Olivia discovered that there was another Olivia in her class. Oh, no! So she changed her name to Pam so that there would be no more mixing up. Eventually, piggy-Olivia realises that there's nothing like your own name, so she changes it back to Olivia and prepares for her next adventure.

My daughter is yet to meet another Olivia at school. But she thought the idea of changing her name was attractive, so she announced that from now on her name would be Pam. Now I'm not saying Pam isn't a nice name, but it conjures up images of a middle-aged line dancer, not a 7 year old. After all, Pam as a first name reached it's peak in the 1940's.

Now Pam means to be sweet like honey, but I can tell you there's been nothing sweet about our little girl as we've been trying to get used to calling her Pam. We've been so frustrating that I think she's just about given up hope of getting her name changed and is about to accept that Olivia isn't so bad after all.

I can't decide whether it's the name that makes Olivias so distinct, or whether little Olivias aren't really any different to other girls, they just do it a bit more loudly. But I'm looking forward to having my Olivia back, because a Pam is not the same.

Which School?

There's lots of talk in my circle of friends at the moment about choosing a high school for our eldest children. Some people made this decision long ago, others are just doing it now, and other still can't make up their mind and keep chopping and changing.

I don't think this is a new phenomenon, but I do think it's become a more pressured decision. There is this school of thought that not getting it right will somehow cause untold harm to your child. I can't work out where this pressure comes from, but I know that big private schools are happy to perpetuate the hype so people feel they need to send their kids there so that they know how much the are truly loved.

In choosing a school, I think there are some important things to remember:

1. No school is perfect. Every school will do something that annoys you or feels like a burden. My experience of primary school is that that can be as simple as homework, changing the sports day or short notice for a school camp.
2. Your child will not become smarter if you choose a school that does better in the national tests. Our society is caught up with schools producing the best results, but who says that children need to perform their best to get along in life? From my memory, I got a few A's, but mostly B's and C's on my report cards. My husband was the same. But we've both gone on to have jobs that we enjoy, buy a house, have a family and enjoy holidays. School results are pretty small potatoes in the scheme of things.
3. There's nothing wrong with changing schools. I think it actually models to kids that you can always change if you make a wrong decision. I'm not recommending you endlessly move children around schools, shopping for the right one, but I think making a considered change when it's clear that a child is not thriving in one school, is fine.
4. Children should be able to get themselves there. I can think of nothing worse than having to drive my children to school everyday in Year 10 or 11. Surely, getting yourself to school is an important skills that children should learn when they go to high school. Public transport offers lots of life lessons to young people, and their level of safety can be greatly enhanced by the simple act of wearing a uniform and carrying a mobile phone. Public transport teaches children to be on time, that the bus will not wait for them if they dawdle. It teaches them to be responsible by requiring them to look after their possessions and carry the correct fare or card. It also teaches them to cope with change. There's nothing like the bus being late or not turning up to teach kids contingency skills.

The actual school you choose should be just one aspect of the high school experience. It's the social networking, part-time jobs and weekend experiences that go into the whole package of moving children through adolescence that makes high school such a special time of life.

Getting Childhood Right

I've been reading a book called, Toxic Childhood, by Sue Palmer. It looks at how modern life is damaging children and what steps parents (and others) can take to deal with it.

There's a chapter on play that I found very interesting. It talks about the importance of kids having access to spaces and time to 'just play'. To think of their own games and activities to entertain themselves. It also talks about the importance of letting kids take risks and learn about the environment outside their front gates. This isn't really anything new to me - I know of quite a few families who actively try to counteract the overprotective parenting model that is rewarded these days.

Something I did find interesting was a part where she described what some of the lower income estates in London look like. She explained that many children simply can't play outside because of the young gangs and drug problems. Sue then made the statement "In my experience, it takes about ten years to turn human children into impulsive, unempathetic animals, so desperately antisocial that they destroy their own habitat. And the best way to do that is to rear them in captivity, malnourish them on junk and expoxe them to all the other aspects of toxic childhood".

Ten years isn't actually that long. And already in Australia, you can see some communities that have been sliding towards greater antisocial behaviour in their children. I think it's aweful that someone's child is described as "an impulsive, unempathetic animal". I would never want my child to wear that description. Elsewhere in the book, when talking about schooling, Sue describes a child who is "bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and up to speed in reading, writing and basic maths by the end of their primary years, they should be able to take full advantage of their secondary education and hopefully go on to be successful, hard-working adults." Now that's a description I wouldn't mind my children having.

The most difficult thing about parenting is doing the right thing, because that's usually the hardest route to take. It's difficult to watch your child work out how to get their ball off the roof without going in and getting it down for them. It's hard to say no when they want another piece of cake and they're throwing a tantrum on the floor. It's painful to watch your child wince through the clean up when they've had a major crash on their bike riding down the hill. But life is about learning, and kids need to learn in the context of life, not from the TV or from us telling them.

The greatest gift we can give our kids is to give them a chance to learn what it means to be a human being, who lives in community with other human beings.

Rainy Days

My memories of rainy days as a kid are of being curled up on my bed with the radio on and a good book in my hands.

It's raining today and the kids are home from school because the teachers are on strike. There's that lovely clunking sound on the roof from the bigger drops falling from the trees and the steady hush of the gentle rain. There's that cool, crisp stillness in the air too. It's a perfect autumn rainy day.

The kids have spent an hour or so in front of the TV and they're just cranking up the Wii in the lounge room now. I know that later in the day we have some jobs, music practice and homework to tackle, but it's just such a perfect day at the moment.

Sometimes I wish I could just hold onto a moment like this forever. I know it won't be all that long before the kids are at home a lot less and even move out. This is a magical time in family life and I really wish it could last and last. But, one thing I've learnt as a mother is that if life is good now, it only gets better as they get older and more independent.

For while the kids have been lazing around, I've put on a load of washing, started some baking, made breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen. I'm just about to go up and tidy the bedrooms and bathroom and sort out some washing. The nice thing about the kids growing up, is that when the next autumn day like this comes around, they might do one or two of these jobs themselves or not even be living at home at all.

Families growing up is good, not bad, and that's what we have memories and photos for - to remember the good times in the past, during the good times in the future.

The Road Less Travelled

I remember studying a poem by Robert Frost in high school which talked about the two roads in life that we often have to choose between, and how infrequently people choose the less travelled road.

My children attend a small school but every Friday, the children in the upper grades participate in interschool sport against other schools in the area. Most of these schools hire buses to transport the children to various other schools and sporting fields to be able to participate. Our school is unable to do this because there are so few children and each team generally plays in a different location. So we rely on a band of willing parents to transport a carload of children to the games each week.

There are many parents who work and aren't able to help with sport transport, and there are still others who choose not to. But I actually think this is the best time of the week, and this is why:

• I get to enjoy a car trip with 6 pre-adolescent boys who invariable spend the trip talking about cars, producing body odours and singing along to my cd's. This week I could only laugh as all the boys sang along to the High School Musical soundtrack and made requests for the next song.
• I get to spend time with my son in the company of his classmates. As they talk, my replies wash over them as adult wisdom, but it's only through spending time with them that they respect and accept my opinions.
• I get to engage in The Amazing Race, where the boys eagerly try to ensure that we are the first car at the sporting ground and back at school. I'm still yet to work out why they want to get back to school first, but every week, we try to take shortcuts to ensure that we're back before the other cars.
• I get to connect with other parents who value this opportunity to engage with their child and others within the sporting teams.
• I get to connect with the teachers who have my children every day. They value the input and support of parents, that only increases their willingness to keep putting the long hours into the job that they do.

There are many things that I could be busy with on a Friday afternoon, but I'm glad I've chosen the road less travelled and taken the time to drive the kids to sport. The pay offs for myself and my son are wonderful.

Getting the Budget Right

I think budgeting is a pressing matter for just about every family this year, so if you're having trouble making the budget work, try some of these:

1. Have another look at what's coming into the house and what's going out, write out a detailed budget. www.moneyminded.com.au has lots of budgeting tips as well as budget worksheets.
2. Treat money spent on a credit card like you paid cash for it. That way you won't keep building up a debt that you can't service.
3. Don't buy lunches, pack them at home to save money. Try offering different things from sandwiches everyday, like leftover pizza and even mini quiche made from eggs, ham and puff pastry.
4. If you're having trouble with your rent or mortgage, get help early and find a financial counsellor or take a look at this website - www.capaust.org which offers financial counselling through local churches that comes to you.
   
5. Make a shopping list and shop just once a week. Get really good at turning leftovers into something else and using those cans at the back of the cupboard. If you're still having trouble buying food, contact a local emergency relief group or food bank, or talk to your local church.
6. Cut down on takeaways which aren't as filling and cost more per meal. Make homemade food takeaway by eating it somewhere else, like in the backyard on a picnic rug or at the park.
7. Buy treats like chocolate, alcohol and takeaways at the end of the fortnight or month, when you know you can afford them. Use them as a reward for sticking to your budget.
8. Clean up around you house and see if you've got anything that's no longer needed but could do quite well on ebay or in the Weekend Shopper. Even getting a few dollars can help and having a tidier home can lift the spirits no end.

MasterClass

I've been enjoying watching MasterChef on the TV lately. I've never realised how much thought goes into a restaurant meal, but then I don't think we're talking about McDonald's-type restaurants here, and lets face it, I haven't been to the other sorts for a while.

Anyway, back to MasterChef. Most of the contestants seem to be good cooks who think they'd like to be a chef. I consider myself a pretty good cook, but I've been learning a lot from this program. Their contestants have to think about the ambiance and environment that they serve their meal in, then there's the way the 'plate' their meal. They have to be careful to put vegetables from the same season together, so a chef doesn't seem to be able to gather up the least lively veges from the fridge and throw them together into a new dish. Every dish needs a name too, and not some lame name like Sausages and Potato and Withering Veges. It needs to sound impressive, like Venetian Sausages or Beef and Vegetable Hot Pot. There also needs to be plenty of thought about what herbs and sauces are added, so the taste and 'aromatics' are perfect.

I've been getting a box of veges delivered each week to make my shopping easier. I have to say these veges are always really fresh, but it's a bit of a lucky dip, because it depends what's in season. So this week, we've had garlic in everything, because I got about 30 cloves of garlic. We've had lots of potatoes, onions, gem squash (yes that was new to me too) and carrots, lettuce and tomatoes which come every week.

This has made me realise that the art of cooking isn't just about shoving plates of food on the table as quickly as possible. Cooking is about the whole meal - the conversation, the pace, the connection and the food. Throughout history food has been used as a reason to gather and as part of celebrations, both within families and communities. A good cook (as compared to a chef) probably works with what they have available, but the process should still be the same. We should be thinking about how we present food, what ambiance our meal is creating and what smells and tastes people can experience from our food. The modern notion of preparing simple meals as quickly as possible has probably taken the focus off this, to the detriment of our home-dining experience.

Well that's all I have time for, I've just got the sausages and mashed potato ready, so if we hurry we can catch tonight's episode of MasterChef. Some things are hard to overcome, aren't they?

Wedding Bells

My husband and I are celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary today. When we first got married the local paper had a weekly relationships column that basically said that once you passed the 10 year stage you were over the hump and likely to survive the rest of your lives together. I think that was strongly influenced by the divorce rates of the day, which showed that more than half of all relationships ended within the first couple of years.

Now that we've passed that milestone by 3 whole years, I feel I'm in some position to debunk the theory. There doesn't seem to be anything easier or different about the last couple of years than any that went before it. Of course, those first few years pass in a whirl of excitement, but the rest just seem to pass like driving through rolling green hills on a long car trip.

We spent some time mentoring a young couple who were getting married a couple of years ago and I chose the aptly named book, Dumb Things We Do: How to Stop Driving Each Other Crazy as our text. This book covers the dumb things guys do and the dumb things girls do separately. Just to give you a taste, the dumb things girls do include trying to fix him, not liking yourself and not getting involved in what he's doing. The man-ones are things like not growing up, not courting your wife and living as if work is number 1 in your life.

The beautiful thing about marriage is that there are always new things to learn and old things to get rid off. There are bad habit that creep back into your life, that need to be caste off, and special things you enjoy doing together that you wish you'd found years ago. Marriage is the ultimate adventure in life, you just have to make sure you stop and get out and look at the quirky things by the side of the road, and not just drive right by them.

Mothers Day

Today is Mothers Day. It's my 11th year as a mother and my 36th with a mother. I've realised some important truths today about why Mothers Day is so important. I'm just sorry that it's taken me so long to work this out.

You see, as a kid, my family didn't celebrate Mothers Day. I don't remember having nice lunches or making Mum breakfast in bed. I can't even remember making her fancy homemade gifts at school and I don't remember ringing my grandmother in New Zealand either.

I think that was partly because my father was rarely at home and my mother wouldn't have drawn attention to herself. MyMum is a pretty humble lady who always downplays what she does.

But today, I've realised that Mothers Day is about saying thank you for all those things you haven't said thank you for over the year. The times Mum cleaned up the bedroom or did another load of washing. The days Mum stayed home when you were sick or rocked you to sleep when you were tired. The days that she cuddled you through your tears and spoke words of encouragement when you faced your fears. There are so many things that Mums do that go unthanked. I now realise I have a huge debt of Mothers Days to make up for.

These days, my thanks is more for stepping in and looking after the kids when I need a hand, or putting up with a change of plans when my life gets busy. My thanks is for accepting that I'm far from perfect and sometimes forget to call her. My thanks is for the opportunities she gives me to return the care she's given me over the years - cooking her meals and including her in the grandchildren's lives.

Mothers are the foundation of society. They teach children how to live in community and how to behave as adults. They are largely the unpaid workforce in society, that does the cooking, cleaning, childrearing and other volunteer work that keeps the economy going. Every mother deserves to feel valued today. I'm glad I got that right this year.

Movie Stars

Have you ever watched a movie with the kids and ended up watching the credits because they've fallen asleep all over you and you can't really be bothered carrying them all to bed just yet?

I'm amazed at how many people it takes to make a movie, and what names they come up with for their jobs. What does a best boy do? Or the key grip? I'm thinking that one has something to do with parking. Surely the second second assistant makes coffee for all the other assistants? But my favourite job is the 'graphics wrangler'. I'm not sure what they do, but I'd look forward to going to work each day with a title like that on my desk.

Have you noticed how you no longer do home duties anymore, you're a domestic engineer. And that a cleaner is now a sanitation consultant. In the last few years there seems to have been a drive to make jobs sound more important. A roo shooter out west is now called a macropod harvester, can you believe that? It's like we all need to be at the top of the heap, not the bottom.

Yet, deep down, all of us know that it's the poeple at the bottom of the workforce who do most of the work and keep society ticking over. These are the people who usually make sure we have clean workplaces, that the filing is done and that the little jobs that need attention are attended to. I'm sure it's the same in the movie trade, and these people with odd job titles are often the people who run around madly doing all the little things that enable that movie to actually end up on our big (or little) screens. Perhaps this is their way of getting some reward for their work, which makes me think I should take another second at the checkout to say thank you, or to help a hassled waitress relax with an "I don't mind".

Shed-nanigans

I've discovered that there are basically two types of husbands in this world - the handy and the not-so-handy. My husband fits into this second category. You know the type - fixes the chair, but it still wobbles underneath you; puts a hook in the wall that seems to come free way too often.

Despite this he has a shed full of tools, ladders and power thingies. Its also home to our camping gear, bikes and the chook food. Most of the time his shed is an absolute mess. There's so much stuff in the doorway you can rarely reach anything you need without tripping over bikes, paint sheets, pipes, timber, pavers and everything else that seems to be in your way.

Every now and then my husband says, "Come on kids, lets clean up the shed." I can smile at this now, but it wasn't always like that. His idea of cleaning up the shed is to find all sorts of long forgotten junk and pass it to the children who then usually aks him to make something with it. We've had forts in the back yard made from old bits of timber and a tarp; homemade wooden airplanes that required hours of painting, and; a bike repair shop on the path between the carport and the front door.

Sunday afternoon somehow turns into Monday morning and the shed is always in more of a mess than before. I'd set to work hanging out the washing and trip over all the things that had made their way from the shed to our yard. There were many frustrated screams in the early days of these shed clean-ups. But now I know that the clean-up is part of being a 'great dad'.

The process of working together to create things from junk is actually more valuable to our family than the act of cleaning up the shed. Any mug can clean up a shed (it's usually this mug who ends up doing that job) but it takes a real 'dad' to make the time to listen to the kids and help them make something from their ideas. Our kids love helping him clean up the shed because they know that he's setting the whole day aside to do the things that they want him to do. They know that Dad is going to listen and encourage them to dream.

The Blockbuster Principle

Have you noticed how easy it is to forget to take the DVDs back to the video shop? My family are pretty good with the overnight ones and even the weeklies, but it's those 3-day new releases that seem to get left on the top of the TV cabinet.

In the midst of late fees, I've discovered what I call The Blockbuster Principle. I think this principle sums up the art of admitting wrong and making restitution really well. You see, if you sneak your late DVD into Blockbuster and slide it into the return shute, then slink away, when you next go to borrow a movie you'll find they've slapped a late fee on your account which you have to pay before you can rent again. But if you go in with your late movie and tell them you're sorry its late and ask them how much you owe, they're usually so shocked they'll either waive the late fee or halve it if you pay it then and there.

I know your asking how this could be an earth shattering principle that has any impact beyond the DVD shelves, but doesn't this show that when we're willing to face up to our mistakes and the consequences that come with them, the impact is usually less severe than if we try to hide our guilt. Everyday my kids make mistakes or do something wrong that impacts on other people - that's human nature. But as I keep reminding them, part of growing up is learning to own up to our behaviour, say sorry and face the consequences.

If you test my principle next time you have a late DVD, let me know how it goes. But most importantly, show your kids how it goes. You might just save them from a long afternoon in the principal's office.

Kitchen Cheats

We had some friends over last night who we hadn't seen for years. We decided during our holiday that we should make an effort to have friends over for dinner now that the kids are happy enough to sit in front of the television while we entertain.

It was a great idea earlier in the week - I was looking forward to using the nice dinner set where all the pieces matched, and I was keen to get stuck in to making some new fancy dishes too. I love cooking and putting on dinner parties is a real joy for me. But as Friday got closer, reality hit.

Work to do, the house to tidy, things to do for the kids... When was I going to cook a fancy dinner, let alone shop for it and make myself and the children look presentable for company?

So I turned to a magazine which offered me a 'Cheat's Dinner Party'. That sounded like what I needed! And I have to tell you, it delivered what it said it would. I managed to shop, prepare the dinner party and clean up the house, children and myself in 2 hours - not bad hey!

The food was delicious and only needed a few tweaks to feed 7 instead of the intended 4. My daughter and I even had time to pick some flowers from the garden and make the table look fancy.

This made me think of the other ways that we can make life simpler by 'cheating'. After all the dinner plan was just a set of instructions to follow. How often in life do we stress out about something, when if we sit down and list all the steps we have to follow, we can accomplish something without too much fuss?

So today, I've got about 5 things to do, some big and some small. But I think I'll just see them as a set of steps to get me to the couch tonight by about 6pm to enjoy some time with my family and a nice glass of wine. My kids might even learn from my good habits!

One thing I know for sure is that next time, I'm not going to worry about entertaining. I'm just going to invite people around and plan the food around what else needs to be done.

Modern Life

Everyone talks about how busy modern life is. With the invention of the microwave, dishwasher and mobile phone, life only seems to have gotten busier. Why is that?

But along with that busy-ness, seems to be a constant change. People change jobs more frequently, roles within jobs, expectations, working conditions and hours seem to be constantly changing too. I feel that you can't really make long term plans anymore, because you can't really imagine what life will be like in 2, 5 or 10 years.

Five years ago my husband and I moved our family across the city for a number of reasons:

1. To be closer to his work, cutting down an 1.5hr commute to a matter of minutes each day, allowing him to spend more time with me and the kids.
2. To live in a community where our children could more safely enjoy some of the things we took for granted as children ourselves.
3. To give ourselves a choice of a number of high schools which would equip our children for their adult lives.
4. To live closer to friends to be able to enjoy the journey of life alongside.

In the time that has passed, so much has changed that we really have to dig deep to cling to those reasons. While my husband still only takes minutes to get to work, he works much longer hours when he is there, so we cling to the knowledge that he's able to drop in to see that race at the sports carnival or come home early now and again to watch a school concert.

Our community is really no different to any other community now and we're constantly struggling to allow our children to be independent without putting them at undue risk.

Our choice of high schools has significantly lowered with the closure of some and others adopting strict boundaries. Who would have thought that we now only have one choice, like we did before?

Our friends have moved away or have busy lives also, and as our children have grown, it's become quite difficult to have the social life we once had. In fact, most of our friends now are the parents of our children's friends. Friends we've made at the school gate and soccer sideline.

Modern life is all about change. Modern living is all about embracing change and being willing to make the best decision at the time based on what you think the future will be like. Most of all I think you have to adopt a 'no looking back' philosophy. You can have no regrets in modern life, because you just couldn't have known how life would turn out today.

Today, I'm thankful that modern life has enabled me to work from home using the internet, and not tied me to a desk in an office. I'm thankful that modern life has enabled me to free up some time to watch my son play school soccer tomorrow. I'm thankful that modern life had enabled my husband to take the kids for a ride this morning while I prepared bacon and eggs for a traditional family breakfast. Yes, modern life is all about change, but that doesn't mean the things that worked in the past can't be held onto into the future.

A New Path

Today I resigned from my job of nearly 4 years.

It was really hard to do. You see I'm not resigning because I don't like the job or I've got something else to go to. I'm quitting so that I've got more time to be with my kids.

I'm not stopping work altogether, but I am giving up a job I really love and feel valuable in. It's taken me some time to realise this is a decision I need to make for my family. But that doesn't mean it feels like the best choice for myself.

We've just come back from a trip around the outback. We've toured lots of museums that tell of what life was like in outback Australia in the 1800's. There were many tales of women who gave up everything -their own families, their country of birth, their position in society, their comfort, their safety and ultimately, their lives, so that farms could be settled on the fringes of settlement. This put into perspective my own position. I'm not leaving my house and I get to give something more to the people I love. I don't really have any reason to complain.

So starting tomorrow, I've decided to embrace the mindset of a pioneering mother:

• No more feeling sorry for myself about giving up what I want for others
• Looking for opportunities in everything that comes my way, even the things that don't seem to be going very well
• Being resourceful and making the most of what I have, not pining for the things I don't have
• Valuing every day I have with my children and husband and looking for ways to connect with each of them, individually, every day
• Connecting with other modern pioneer mothers who are doing their bit to shape the future generation
• Celebrating my motherhood by getting stuck into the jobs and then sitting down for a nice cup of tea on the patio

Life is good. I don't want to waste a day of it.

A Good Mother

Last night we had some excitement with a snake in our backyard. Unfortunately we found the snake in our guinea pig hutch after it had eaten the mother and killed one of our babies. We managed to save the 3 other babies, but there was a very sad mood over our house at bedtime.

This morning the kids have been talking about how the snake was just doing what it was made to do (thanks to Steve Irwin) and that Princess Leia was a very brave mother who gave up her own life to save her babies. The kids were impressed that that's what a mother does.

There's a passage in the Bible that identifies the traits of a good mother. It says that this mother is more precious than diamonds and deeply respected by her husband. This mother is never spiteful and is generous to all. She keeps a tidy and cheerful home and fills life with surprises. This good mother rises first in the house, prepares a hearty breakfast for her family and organises the day. She is careful with money, hard working and diligent. A good mother will help those around her in need and make sure that her family have all their needs met too. She faces each day with a smile and speaks with kindness. She's protective of the members of her family and makes sure they fulfill all their obligations outside of the home. This mother is so respected in the community that her husband is respected too.

I'm not sure that I come close to that high standard, but it does give me something to aim for. A little less yelling at the kids. A little more tolerance of their tantrums. Getting up cheerfully in the morning and thinking through all the things that need to be accomplished that day. Starting the day with a smile, kind words and a welcoming breakfast. These things aren't all that hard to do but will probably made all the difference.

My children already have a high opinion of me as a mother, so maybe I'm already on the road to being a good mother. It would be nice to think that one day they'll look back on my life and praise my motherhood like they did for Princess Leia this morning.

The Problem of Teeenage Girls

I was speaking to a parent this week about the pitfalls of parenting a teenage girl when it comes to back chatting, shaving legs and sibling rivalry. It's made me realise that my six-year old's "You did my hair wrong!" tantrums will get a lot worse than "I did my hair wrong!" ones.

There seem to be 2 main issues that trouble girls as they near the end of primary school - body concerns and friendship problems. The issues of body concerns often feed into friendship problems as young women seek to adjust how the look to 'fit in' with their peers. So what can we do as parents? Well these are my well-researched ideas:

1. Panic, eat a bar of chocolate, watch a movie with a happy ending and then sit down with a cup of tea and ponder adolescence.
2. Set a good example - don't change your own outfit 15 times before going out for dinner and don't keep trying different diets only to put on more weight that you started with.
3. Make food a source of pleasure and ensure your family is eating together around the table as often as possible.
4. Talk openly about body shape and bring up the disadvantages of being a stick insect.
5. Be willing to give in on the little things. Yes we all know that shaving your legs is a good thing to delay, but no teenager is going to believe you, so instead invest your energy in negotiating a workable compromise - when can they start, who will pay for all the stuff they need and what you're actually saying yes to.
6. Talk up exercise for all it's benefits - managing weight, stress relief, feeling positive and being social. One day they might actually believe you! Eat another chocolate bar and sit down with another movie - adolescence is a long road, and you're going to need to pace yourself!

Of course, some of these may be harmful to your own body image, so please consult your own common sense before implementing all of my suggestions.

For Crying Out Loud

One of my favourite authors wrote, "Why do tears make people treat you like a five-year-old when usually they mean something really grown-up is going on inside?"

I know that feeling. There are plenty of times where tears come as an emotional response to something, but others interpret them as weakness. But do tears mean that you're weak or child-like?

The Bible says "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." - Psalm 126:5

I think this means that life is meant to be joyful, but at times we have to embrace the sadness to see how wonderful the good things are. We live in a world that skews to the pessimistic side of life. But I think it's important to actually see the good things in life and keep sorrow in it's place.

The other week my son was swimming at the district trials. He came 3rd last in backstroke but got a 3 second PB, so he went down to the butterfly races feeling confident. At the end of that race he'd come last and been disqualified because his stroke wasn't quite right. Next I know he's in a pool of tears and never swimming again. He's hopeless at butterfly and backstroke (forget about that PB now) and might as well give up all together. This carried on for about an hour and half and only really stopped when it was time to get ready to swim freestyle. Somewhere deep in that body he found the confidence to have one last go. While he didn't do any superhuman Olympic-worthy swim, he did win his heat and get a small PB. We went home to celebrate as quickly as we could - there was no way I was letting that winning feeling slide again!

That was just one small step in teaching my son that sorrows and joys are linked and don't actually cancel each other out. Perhaps I just need to remember that in my own life too. When I'm tired and weary from working and the house is untidy and there's nothing much for dinner because I haven't had time to shop - there's still a loving family who treasure me more than a house and fancy dinners. When I feel sick but need to keep going and look after the kids - my tears are a helpful step in knowing that there is joy just around the corner, when I'm well again.

Crab Capers

We've just got back from our annual January camping trip. This trip has been one of the things that helps us press the reset button at the beginning of each year, and the highlight of the week is the nightly crabbing excursion. If you've never been crabbing, then allow me to explain.

You take a bucket or two, a few children and some torches and head to the beach in search of crabs. Upon locating a crab the entire group must yell "Crab, Crab!" and one child is chosen to catch the crab. While the catching is taking place, all the other children must scream and squeal at the top of their voices ad an adult must hover with a bucket nearby to receive the crab.

After collecting plenty of crabs, a large circle is drawn in the sand and the bucket is upturned. The crab who crosses the line first is named champion and then all the children and adults trudge home, ensuring that the maximum amount of sand returns to be deposited in the tent.

Each night of this routing brings much joy to our family and reminds me what life is all about. Things like school and work aren't the main event, just the supporting act. Joyfully relating to those closest to you is what makes most of us tick.