Embracing Change

I can remember when my daughter started prep a couple of year ago. She has my stature, so the size 4 shirt was like a tent on her and the had was more of an umbrella. But none of that stood in the way of here embracing school life. She'd watch her two older brothers start school and was ready for it all - walking to school with the giant backpack, eating lunch with the other kids, going to music lessons and sport on the oval.

Fast forward 3 years, and last night I spent hours helping her finish off a poster on moths, now that she's in Year 2. She announced, as I tucked her into bed, that we still have to print out some pictures of moths this morning, and reminded me that it's dress up day today and she'd like to go as a Heffalump. I'm not too confident that the dress up box can deliver on such an ambitious project and I'm fearing what reaction I'll get when I and the box let her down.

Unlike most of the family, my daughter loves new experiences. Every new school year is exciting to her because she knows that she's now allowed in a new part of the school or able to do something else that only "the big kids" can do. The rest of us realise that changes around us require us to change, and that that is usually an unpleasant experience. I think my daughter has such a positive outlook because she's always been too young, so she's had to wait for everything and watch from the sidelines as others try new things.

Wouldn't it be great if we could experience change as an adult with the same sense of excitement and longing. That new job, the move to the new house, the children going to high school or leaving home - they're all things that adults find quite stressful, but if we went in with the attitude of a child starting school, wouldn't we find joy in these changes?

Which School?

There's lots of talk in my circle of friends at the moment about choosing a high school for our eldest children. Some people made this decision long ago, others are just doing it now, and other still can't make up their mind and keep chopping and changing.

I don't think this is a new phenomenon, but I do think it's become a more pressured decision. There is this school of thought that not getting it right will somehow cause untold harm to your child. I can't work out where this pressure comes from, but I know that big private schools are happy to perpetuate the hype so people feel they need to send their kids there so that they know how much the are truly loved.

In choosing a school, I think there are some important things to remember:

1. No school is perfect. Every school will do something that annoys you or feels like a burden. My experience of primary school is that that can be as simple as homework, changing the sports day or short notice for a school camp.
2. Your child will not become smarter if you choose a school that does better in the national tests. Our society is caught up with schools producing the best results, but who says that children need to perform their best to get along in life? From my memory, I got a few A's, but mostly B's and C's on my report cards. My husband was the same. But we've both gone on to have jobs that we enjoy, buy a house, have a family and enjoy holidays. School results are pretty small potatoes in the scheme of things.
3. There's nothing wrong with changing schools. I think it actually models to kids that you can always change if you make a wrong decision. I'm not recommending you endlessly move children around schools, shopping for the right one, but I think making a considered change when it's clear that a child is not thriving in one school, is fine.
4. Children should be able to get themselves there. I can think of nothing worse than having to drive my children to school everyday in Year 10 or 11. Surely, getting yourself to school is an important skills that children should learn when they go to high school. Public transport offers lots of life lessons to young people, and their level of safety can be greatly enhanced by the simple act of wearing a uniform and carrying a mobile phone. Public transport teaches children to be on time, that the bus will not wait for them if they dawdle. It teaches them to be responsible by requiring them to look after their possessions and carry the correct fare or card. It also teaches them to cope with change. There's nothing like the bus being late or not turning up to teach kids contingency skills.

The actual school you choose should be just one aspect of the high school experience. It's the social networking, part-time jobs and weekend experiences that go into the whole package of moving children through adolescence that makes high school such a special time of life.

The Road Less Travelled

I remember studying a poem by Robert Frost in high school which talked about the two roads in life that we often have to choose between, and how infrequently people choose the less travelled road.

My children attend a small school but every Friday, the children in the upper grades participate in interschool sport against other schools in the area. Most of these schools hire buses to transport the children to various other schools and sporting fields to be able to participate. Our school is unable to do this because there are so few children and each team generally plays in a different location. So we rely on a band of willing parents to transport a carload of children to the games each week.

There are many parents who work and aren't able to help with sport transport, and there are still others who choose not to. But I actually think this is the best time of the week, and this is why:

• I get to enjoy a car trip with 6 pre-adolescent boys who invariable spend the trip talking about cars, producing body odours and singing along to my cd's. This week I could only laugh as all the boys sang along to the High School Musical soundtrack and made requests for the next song.
• I get to spend time with my son in the company of his classmates. As they talk, my replies wash over them as adult wisdom, but it's only through spending time with them that they respect and accept my opinions.
• I get to engage in The Amazing Race, where the boys eagerly try to ensure that we are the first car at the sporting ground and back at school. I'm still yet to work out why they want to get back to school first, but every week, we try to take shortcuts to ensure that we're back before the other cars.
• I get to connect with other parents who value this opportunity to engage with their child and others within the sporting teams.
• I get to connect with the teachers who have my children every day. They value the input and support of parents, that only increases their willingness to keep putting the long hours into the job that they do.

There are many things that I could be busy with on a Friday afternoon, but I'm glad I've chosen the road less travelled and taken the time to drive the kids to sport. The pay offs for myself and my son are wonderful.

A Night To Remember

My son's Year 3 class is putting on a concert for the end of the year. His teacher has decided to relive World Expo 88 in an all-singing, all-dancing routine involving 50 kids, a movie set and a costume department.

The bad mother in me is really struggling to get enthusiastic about this one. You see, I went back to World Expo 88 just 3 years ago when my oldest boy was in this teacher's class. Expo wasn't at all like I remembered it. It seemed to drag on for hours, with each song leading to another one. My daughter was sick with an ear infection and languished on my knee for the entire show, while I sat on one of those tiny seats they use in Year 1 that never quite accommodate an adult bottom or back.

My son who is soon to be a star, spent that Expo, sobbing on my other knee after he tripped on the concrete, skinning both knees and an elbow. And then, to top off a fantastic night, my eldest son spent the night dancing and prancing with a sore arm that we'd had x-rayed the day before. First thing the next morning we were back at the hospital getting the plaster on, after they'd had another look at the x-ray and found a break.

So how do I put aside my bias and embrace this concert with joy? I'm trying to look at it through my son's eyes. The excitement of costumes, props and dress rehearsals. The after party and adoring fans. Yep, I'm getting a little more excited. I'm thinking of that big grin when he sees his family in the audience cheering him on.

In the Bag

My eldest son is on his first school camp this week. Just 2 nights away from home but we've packed enough to last a week, so all should go well. We had a very difficult time seeing him off as it seems he didn't want to go in the end. As a child who doesn't really like change, I can understand why he behaved the way he did, but boy was it hard at the time. There was plenty of screaming and throwing shoes. Lots of excuses and arguements too. But in the end we dragged him to school and threw him on the bus, waving him off with smiles plastered on our faces.

I'm betting that when the bus pulls up at the end of the camp, he'll be one of the last off and will have erased all the leaving unpleasantness from his memory. And Dad and I will be standing there with smiles wondering why we had to go through all that angst.

I've spoken to many kids over the years about going on camp and found that many find the first trip away from home daunting. School camps give kids an opportunity to develop skills they can't learn quite as well in the classroom or at home. There's the self-responsibility that come with looking after your own clothing, making your own bed and turning up where you're expected to be at the required time. Then there's the challenging activities thrown at them, like rock climbing or hiking or camping out or teamwork tasks. These activities help kids think of themselves in the context of others and see themselves as someone who can give as well as take. Finally, there are the little details, like eating with good manners, having a shower every day (which is more of a problem for boys than girls), going to the toilet at the right time and leaving the boys alone (this one's for the girls).

When it's your turn for a child to go on camp, I'd encourage you to talk the trip up. Not only will you have a few nights without your darling, but you'll give them an opportunity to take a small step towards their adult self. In the meantime, I have a an early dinner to cook for the other kids and a movie lined up with my husband....before all that washing arrives home again.

Worry Warts

Two years ago my eldest son got very stressed over the Year 3 test that required us to seek counselling for a number of months afterwards. We've never really worked out what happened, but his teacher told us he 'froze' on the day and had to be prompted to keep going. I thought we'd done everything right - we'd played down the importance of the test, told him that we all knew how good he was and the test wasn't going to tell us anything we didn't know, all sorts of things, but he still seemed to spiral into this depression that is quite scary to watch in an 8 year old.

I've since realised that some kids are just more anxious than others and struggle with new experiences like this. If you've got a child who's prone to worrying, then perhaps one of these things might help you:

• Keep them busy with something they like after they've done the things they need to do. Its really important not to throw the regular routines out, but add in something extra so they don't have time to worry.
• Feed them well. Kids who worry tend to go off their food which seems to fuel the body's reaction to stress, creating a vicous cycle.
• Keep them active. Add in a play in the park each afternoon, or a kick of the footy on the way home. The chemicals our body releases in exercise are natural stress-busters.
• Get them to bed well. Getting kids to bed by 8pm or 8.30 at the latest ensures they have enough sleep to function well the next day. Make sure that the preparation for bed is as relaxing as possible - give them a shower, have a cuddle and a chat, then put on some music or better still, read them a book. Touch and talk are valuable anti-stress tools.

And for all those parents with kids who wouldn't have a clue that anything different is happening - take a deep breathe and be thankful, I'm sure your turn will come with something else. That's how parenting works isn't it?