For Crying Out Loud

One of my favourite authors wrote, "Why do tears make people treat you like a five-year-old when usually they mean something really grown-up is going on inside?"

I know that feeling. There are plenty of times where tears come as an emotional response to something, but others interpret them as weakness. But do tears mean that you're weak or child-like?

The Bible says "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." - Psalm 126:5

I think this means that life is meant to be joyful, but at times we have to embrace the sadness to see how wonderful the good things are. We live in a world that skews to the pessimistic side of life. But I think it's important to actually see the good things in life and keep sorrow in it's place.

The other week my son was swimming at the district trials. He came 3rd last in backstroke but got a 3 second PB, so he went down to the butterfly races feeling confident. At the end of that race he'd come last and been disqualified because his stroke wasn't quite right. Next I know he's in a pool of tears and never swimming again. He's hopeless at butterfly and backstroke (forget about that PB now) and might as well give up all together. This carried on for about an hour and half and only really stopped when it was time to get ready to swim freestyle. Somewhere deep in that body he found the confidence to have one last go. While he didn't do any superhuman Olympic-worthy swim, he did win his heat and get a small PB. We went home to celebrate as quickly as we could - there was no way I was letting that winning feeling slide again!

That was just one small step in teaching my son that sorrows and joys are linked and don't actually cancel each other out. Perhaps I just need to remember that in my own life too. When I'm tired and weary from working and the house is untidy and there's nothing much for dinner because I haven't had time to shop - there's still a loving family who treasure me more than a house and fancy dinners. When I feel sick but need to keep going and look after the kids - my tears are a helpful step in knowing that there is joy just around the corner, when I'm well again.

Worry Warts

Two years ago my eldest son got very stressed over the Year 3 test that required us to seek counselling for a number of months afterwards. We've never really worked out what happened, but his teacher told us he 'froze' on the day and had to be prompted to keep going. I thought we'd done everything right - we'd played down the importance of the test, told him that we all knew how good he was and the test wasn't going to tell us anything we didn't know, all sorts of things, but he still seemed to spiral into this depression that is quite scary to watch in an 8 year old.

I've since realised that some kids are just more anxious than others and struggle with new experiences like this. If you've got a child who's prone to worrying, then perhaps one of these things might help you:

• Keep them busy with something they like after they've done the things they need to do. Its really important not to throw the regular routines out, but add in something extra so they don't have time to worry.
• Feed them well. Kids who worry tend to go off their food which seems to fuel the body's reaction to stress, creating a vicous cycle.
• Keep them active. Add in a play in the park each afternoon, or a kick of the footy on the way home. The chemicals our body releases in exercise are natural stress-busters.
• Get them to bed well. Getting kids to bed by 8pm or 8.30 at the latest ensures they have enough sleep to function well the next day. Make sure that the preparation for bed is as relaxing as possible - give them a shower, have a cuddle and a chat, then put on some music or better still, read them a book. Touch and talk are valuable anti-stress tools.

And for all those parents with kids who wouldn't have a clue that anything different is happening - take a deep breathe and be thankful, I'm sure your turn will come with something else. That's how parenting works isn't it?