The Biggest Loser Principle

I've had coffee with many groups of mothers over the years and always heard similar conversations. Someone will raise a parenting issue that they are struggling with, and despite plenty of suggestions, none will really seem like the right solution to this problem. Having been a mother for over 11 years now, I know that more than our ideas, other mothers really just want our support. Because, to deal with most parenting problems, you have to face the fear of change before you're ready to actually make any change.

This topic came up with a colleague the other day, and I suggested that it's like The Biggest Loser. All of those people on the show, at some point realise that the way things are is much worse than the could be if they changed. As my friend put it, "The pain of change is less than the pain of remaining the same." I think this is a pretty good principle in life - the Biggest Loser Principle.

We can offer our friends, co-workers, family and clients all sorts of advice and support, but ultimately, people only change when the scales swing in favour of change and they find the inner strength to move towards that preferred outcome rather than stay in their comfort zone. That's when we need to be good friends and step in as their cheer squad when their motivation and enthusiasm fades. But, we can never get that ball rolling. Only they can. Just like on The Biggest Loser.

Embracing Change

I can remember when my daughter started prep a couple of year ago. She has my stature, so the size 4 shirt was like a tent on her and the had was more of an umbrella. But none of that stood in the way of here embracing school life. She'd watch her two older brothers start school and was ready for it all - walking to school with the giant backpack, eating lunch with the other kids, going to music lessons and sport on the oval.

Fast forward 3 years, and last night I spent hours helping her finish off a poster on moths, now that she's in Year 2. She announced, as I tucked her into bed, that we still have to print out some pictures of moths this morning, and reminded me that it's dress up day today and she'd like to go as a Heffalump. I'm not too confident that the dress up box can deliver on such an ambitious project and I'm fearing what reaction I'll get when I and the box let her down.

Unlike most of the family, my daughter loves new experiences. Every new school year is exciting to her because she knows that she's now allowed in a new part of the school or able to do something else that only "the big kids" can do. The rest of us realise that changes around us require us to change, and that that is usually an unpleasant experience. I think my daughter has such a positive outlook because she's always been too young, so she's had to wait for everything and watch from the sidelines as others try new things.

Wouldn't it be great if we could experience change as an adult with the same sense of excitement and longing. That new job, the move to the new house, the children going to high school or leaving home - they're all things that adults find quite stressful, but if we went in with the attitude of a child starting school, wouldn't we find joy in these changes?

Modern Life

Everyone talks about how busy modern life is. With the invention of the microwave, dishwasher and mobile phone, life only seems to have gotten busier. Why is that?

But along with that busy-ness, seems to be a constant change. People change jobs more frequently, roles within jobs, expectations, working conditions and hours seem to be constantly changing too. I feel that you can't really make long term plans anymore, because you can't really imagine what life will be like in 2, 5 or 10 years.

Five years ago my husband and I moved our family across the city for a number of reasons:

1. To be closer to his work, cutting down an 1.5hr commute to a matter of minutes each day, allowing him to spend more time with me and the kids.
2. To live in a community where our children could more safely enjoy some of the things we took for granted as children ourselves.
3. To give ourselves a choice of a number of high schools which would equip our children for their adult lives.
4. To live closer to friends to be able to enjoy the journey of life alongside.

In the time that has passed, so much has changed that we really have to dig deep to cling to those reasons. While my husband still only takes minutes to get to work, he works much longer hours when he is there, so we cling to the knowledge that he's able to drop in to see that race at the sports carnival or come home early now and again to watch a school concert.

Our community is really no different to any other community now and we're constantly struggling to allow our children to be independent without putting them at undue risk.

Our choice of high schools has significantly lowered with the closure of some and others adopting strict boundaries. Who would have thought that we now only have one choice, like we did before?

Our friends have moved away or have busy lives also, and as our children have grown, it's become quite difficult to have the social life we once had. In fact, most of our friends now are the parents of our children's friends. Friends we've made at the school gate and soccer sideline.

Modern life is all about change. Modern living is all about embracing change and being willing to make the best decision at the time based on what you think the future will be like. Most of all I think you have to adopt a 'no looking back' philosophy. You can have no regrets in modern life, because you just couldn't have known how life would turn out today.

Today, I'm thankful that modern life has enabled me to work from home using the internet, and not tied me to a desk in an office. I'm thankful that modern life has enabled me to free up some time to watch my son play school soccer tomorrow. I'm thankful that modern life had enabled my husband to take the kids for a ride this morning while I prepared bacon and eggs for a traditional family breakfast. Yes, modern life is all about change, but that doesn't mean the things that worked in the past can't be held onto into the future.