Flying with Kids

I'm about to take my 9 year old son with me to New Zealand to visit my grandmother. This is the second time I'm taking one of the kids to visit her, having taken my daughter 2 years ago when she was 5.

I'm becoming a savvy traveller with kids, and this time, instead of buying the cheapest airfare I could afford, I've made sure I've got the cheapest package I could find.

You see last time, I flew with a no-frills, no-food airline. I'd packed plenty of games and books and food to get us through the 3 hour flight, but I hadn't thought about what would happen if the person beside us wasn't so organised. True to Murphy's Law, the person beside us was the mother of a flight attendant, so she received every bit of food and drink complimentary, as well as the use of one of those little DVD things they have on those airlines. My daughter managed to cope with the feelings of jealousy, long enough for us to get out of the airport and into a McDonald's store when we finally arrived in Auckland.

Then on the return trip, I convinced her to have a sleep and I'd buy her a hot breakfast rather than eat in the very expensive airport before our 7am flight. That was all good, except that the airline put us up the back of the plane because of her age, and by the time the food cart got to us they'd sold out of hot breakfasts. Once again, we coped long enough to crawl through immigration and find Daddy and the boys, who were only too happy to take us out to breakfast after our week away.

This time around, I've chosen to fly with Air New Zealand. I'm looking forward to having breakfast on the plane, a nice cup of tea, and watching a movie while my son does the same thing beside me. It won't matter what other people do, because this is true luxury for our family!

Sometimes, you really do get what you pay for, but as that MasterCard ad reminds us, what price do you pay for peace and no stress? It's priceless.

Healthy Young Athletes

My kids were keen swimming trainers over last summer and all moved up into squads of varying difficulty. But it's clear to everyone in our family, that though they have lovely technique, they don't really have the speed to do really well at swimming.

I love the kids playing team sports through winter because I think it teaches them so much about the world. They learn how to work with others, even when they don't really like them. They learn to take direction from others and to sacrifice their own goals for the good of the team. The learn to win and lose gracefully too. But overall, I think getting kids into sport gives them physical activity habits that will set them up well for adulthood.

Other friends have had their children swimming through the winter, and the coach has often asked through them when we are coming back. We returned to swimming just a few weeks ago, but then the colds and flu moved in, so we held off while everyone got well. It's now been six weeks and the kids are still coughing and sneezing, so I think we still have another couple of weeks rest ahead of us. But still the coach asks.

I have to say it's really starting to annoy me. I'm feeling pressured to get our kids back to swimming. But lets face it, they're aged 7, 9, and 11. They could still be Olympic swimmers and not have been in the water yet. So today I'm just reminding myself that I'm the parent and she's the coach. As a parent, I know my kids need to be well to enjoy life to the full, so the best place for them at the moment isn't the pool, but at home.

There's plenty of time to swim next month and the month after. Now I just have to pluck up the courage to be strong in front of the coach. That might be a little harder...

Cooking Teaches Children Healthy Food Habits

Have you heard that line, that if you get your kids involved in the kitchen they'll pick up better eating habits?

Why is it that whenever my kids get busy in the kitchen they only really want to make the unhealthy stuff and that it hasn't really changed any of their food habits?

I've had pizza nights where they make their own, and one or two of them will still choose the mega meatlovers, with the token slice of tomato because I've said they have to have one vegetable. Or they'll help make a curry or casserole only to say they don't actually want to eat it when it's time to serve the meal.

Rather than beat myself up as a bad parent, I've actually decided that the best I can do is offer healthy meals full of lots of colour, texture and taste. There's nothing to gain from fights at the dinner table over what they eat, so instead I just offer healthy meals and leave it to them to eat their fill, even if that is mostly plain rice or pasta. I've also taken to cheating by giving them multivitamins so that most of the essentials are covered, even if they're not getting it from food.

The trade off has been that they enjoy helping out in the kitchen without the pressure of eating everything they prepare, and the dinner table is a safe place for conversation and connection, not discipline and arguments.

Having said all that, the cookies were great - I might just have one now with a calming cup of tea.

Jet Truck at Ekka

We went to the Ekka the other night - a huge country fair right here in Brisbane. We had an awesome time as a family, with no tantrums or tears. The highlight for all of us was the night entertainment on the centre oval. I think I've had my fill of woodchopping, whip-cracking, horse-dancing, utes driving and motorbike thrills, but it was the jet truck that really stole the show.

This truck was an old World War 2 truck of some sort with a huge get engine on the back (a bit like the one in the picture, but just not as new!). It drove around the oval, burning off jet fuel with about 20 blasts and the heat could be felt all over the grandstands.

In this age of aggressive occupational health and safety, I can't actually believe that they were allowed to have this crazy contraction. I can just see the headlines - "4000 people burnt to a crisp in crazy Ekka stunt!"

My boys thought it was a ball, and I was just glad when it was over, but it made me realise, that if this is still possible, then surely so many other things are permissible with the right controls in place? As playgrounds and school yards get more and more safety aware that they take away the risk and fun, isn't it time that we had a 'jet truck' approach to childhood also?

Thank goodness that the fireworks finished the night off perfectly and we all got home in one piece. Perhaps we'll go again in a few years time... who's betting the jet truck's back then too!

Swimming Squads

My kids returned to swimming training this morning.

It took some effort, being the first day of the school term. I'd packed the towels, goggles and caps the night before and put the drinks in the fridge ready to go too. But the morning required that effort to get up, get the swimmers on and leap in the car as the sun was peaking over the hills.

Ordinarily, my oldest child would be swimming in the darkness, but I thought he should ease back into the pool, particularly as he's throwing off the end of a cold, so we arrived at the pool at 6.45am reading for 7am plunge.

After about 4 laps the kids looked tired. It had nothing to do with the pool - it was a balmy 29 degrees, but the kids had got out of condition over the last 3 months while they've been concentrating on hockey and soccer. By the end of the hour they needed all the encouragement they could get to pull on their school uniforms, down a quick breakfast and head off to school for the day.

A part of me doesn't really like pushing the kids to do swimming as there's such an big expectation on them once they get to squad level, but my eldest boy wants to be age champion this year. He's got a good shot at it, but he's going to have to work for it too. He'll be needing to put in 3 or 4 90-minute sessions a week if he wants to do it. That's a pretty big commitment. Then there's the other 2 kids, who gain a lot of fitness from swimming. It's a good sport for Australian kids, because we have such long summers, so we're keen for our kids to be confident swimmers. But how much is too much?

Only time will tell, but I find that as a Mum I walk a fine line between letting the kids do everything, keeping the kids active enough, balancing the family budget and helping them realise their dreams. Share that around 3 kids and it can be pretty exhausting.

After the kids got to school today, I needed to sit down with a cup of tea and have a rest - it had been a bit of a shock to my system too, and I didn't even get wet! Lets see what Thursday brings, when we next head back to the pool.

Getting Things Done

My son has an orthodontist appointment today, and it's true to say that he was not looking forward to it. We had to wake him to get him ready, as it was a really early appointment, and there was plenty of grumbling coming from under the doona.

He's been seeing the orthodontist for over a year now, and today they are taking his braces off, taking a new mould and then putting the brace back in until a retainer can be made for him. I know he'll be feeling pretty sad and sorry for himself by the end of the day.

Something that's surprised me is that he's still happy to go to the dentist, even though he's had quite a painful experience with his brace. I thought he would become one of those children that would avoid the dentist at any cost, but he's been quite happy to see our regular dentist for his checkup every 6 months.

When I have difficult things coming up, I know that all too often I try to 'bury my head in the sand' to avoid facing them. I talk tough to my kids, but I have to say I'm really cowering on the inside and would happily run the other way. Perhaps my son has picked up some of that stoic determination, that you've just got to do some things, so you might as well get them done and move on.

Maybe I'm not such a bad parent after all...

Household Chores & Kids

I'm having one of those weeks where the dirty washing is starting to invade the house and the ironing basket is now the major feature of the lounge room. It seems like the family roster for keeping the house clean and tidy has broken down.

Why is sharing the household chores so important to family life?

I think kids can only learn about the breadth of domestic work by taking part in it. We spent time on a property last school holidays, and our kids saw that to help their family stay afloat financially, the kids were needed to muster cattle, feed the animals and work within the house, from basically dawn to dusk. They were under no illusions by the time we left that their lives were very easy and that they took on far less work within our house than we did.

Teaching the kids to clean the toilet, put their washing away so that it's neat and doesn't get crushed, and cleaning up their bedrooms might not be a huge contribution to the running of the house, but it teaches them to pull their weight, which hopefully will be helpful when they get their first job or move into a share house. It also gives them plenty of time to see you and how you operate as an adult.
What can you do to make sure everyone is helping to keep the house tidy?

We've tried heaps different ways of doing the roster and the only thing I've found that really works is a really simple one. Our current roster is a wheel that rotates around each week. Everyone in the house gets one job - cleaning the toilets, rubbish duty, unpacking the dishwasher, sweeping the floor etc, and one breakfast during the week to prepare and serve.

The only downfall seems to come at the end of term when people have lots of things on and lots of projects and they run out the door without doing their job.

I'm still trying to work out how to deal with this, but I find reminding them calmly over the dinner or breakfast table has worked much better than yelling and stamping my feet at them. I've also found that I've got to make sure I've done my jobs before I start hassling them about doing their share.

School Holiday Survival Guide

Well the holidays are getting very close, and won't we all be glad to have a break from packing all those lunches and scrabbling around for clean uniforms. I can almost hear the fighting now.

I have 3 essential elements to my holiday survival guide, so if you're new to school holidays, I hope you find this helpful.

1. Napisan - holiday peace comes with a large bucket of Napisan to soak away the excesses of the school term. My kids are magnets for stains, including that tell-tale grungy grey stain where the shirt hangs over their shorts. Napisan has a way of restoring my motherly pride as a good housekeeper.
2. Fine weather - I know you can't control the weather, but fine weather is definitely a blessing when it comes to the holidays. Good holidays are dependent on exhausted children and the best way I've found to make that happen is to keep the kids moving. Whether it's riding to the park and playing soccer, hiking in the bush, going to the beach (if it's not too cold) or exploring the city sights, being outside is definitely the best way to wear the kids out.
3. Boring movies - most holiday nights in our family are movie nights, where the kids are allowed to watch a movie after bath time. Over the years I've discovered that the more they've watched a movie, the quicker they fall asleep, particularly if part to of the plan has been implemented. Watching Toy Story or High School Musical one more time guarantees an early bedtime for the kids and a few hours of peace for the grown ups. What more could you want?

Best Cupcake Recipe Ever

My kids have their sports carnival today and I'm up at 5.30am cooking cupcakes for the tuckshop stall. I'm just whipping up my basic cupcake recipe.

In fact, this cupcake recipe is so easy my children can make them, but with some fancy icing and decorating, they dazzle even the best cooks.

So here it is....

You'll need:
125g butter
2/3 cup caster sugar
3 eggs at room temperature
a dollop of vanilla extract
2 cups of self-raising flour
1/3 cup milk

Then:
Preheat the oven to 180 degrees. Fill a muffin tray with paper muffin cases, this recipe will make between 12 and 15 cupcakes. Beat the butter and sugar together in a large bowl until pale and creamy. Add the eggs, one at a time, and then the vanilla. Beat until combined. Stir in half the flour, followed by the milk, followed by the remaining flour. Spoon into the muffin cases. Bake for around 18 minutes until golden.

Once the cupcakes are cool you can mix up icing and add your decorations. My favourite icing recipe is 3/4 cup icing sugar, sifted, with 2 tablespoons of butter and 2 tablespoons of milk, mixed together with a little food colouring.

So far, I've decorated these cupcakes with marshmallow flowers (like the ones above), sprinkles, lollies and chocolate shavings. But today, we're going for the sports house colours - red, yellow and green.

Lets hope the green team wins!

Which School?

There's lots of talk in my circle of friends at the moment about choosing a high school for our eldest children. Some people made this decision long ago, others are just doing it now, and other still can't make up their mind and keep chopping and changing.

I don't think this is a new phenomenon, but I do think it's become a more pressured decision. There is this school of thought that not getting it right will somehow cause untold harm to your child. I can't work out where this pressure comes from, but I know that big private schools are happy to perpetuate the hype so people feel they need to send their kids there so that they know how much the are truly loved.

In choosing a school, I think there are some important things to remember:

1. No school is perfect. Every school will do something that annoys you or feels like a burden. My experience of primary school is that that can be as simple as homework, changing the sports day or short notice for a school camp.
2. Your child will not become smarter if you choose a school that does better in the national tests. Our society is caught up with schools producing the best results, but who says that children need to perform their best to get along in life? From my memory, I got a few A's, but mostly B's and C's on my report cards. My husband was the same. But we've both gone on to have jobs that we enjoy, buy a house, have a family and enjoy holidays. School results are pretty small potatoes in the scheme of things.
3. There's nothing wrong with changing schools. I think it actually models to kids that you can always change if you make a wrong decision. I'm not recommending you endlessly move children around schools, shopping for the right one, but I think making a considered change when it's clear that a child is not thriving in one school, is fine.
4. Children should be able to get themselves there. I can think of nothing worse than having to drive my children to school everyday in Year 10 or 11. Surely, getting yourself to school is an important skills that children should learn when they go to high school. Public transport offers lots of life lessons to young people, and their level of safety can be greatly enhanced by the simple act of wearing a uniform and carrying a mobile phone. Public transport teaches children to be on time, that the bus will not wait for them if they dawdle. It teaches them to be responsible by requiring them to look after their possessions and carry the correct fare or card. It also teaches them to cope with change. There's nothing like the bus being late or not turning up to teach kids contingency skills.

The actual school you choose should be just one aspect of the high school experience. It's the social networking, part-time jobs and weekend experiences that go into the whole package of moving children through adolescence that makes high school such a special time of life.

Getting Childhood Right

I've been reading a book called, Toxic Childhood, by Sue Palmer. It looks at how modern life is damaging children and what steps parents (and others) can take to deal with it.

There's a chapter on play that I found very interesting. It talks about the importance of kids having access to spaces and time to 'just play'. To think of their own games and activities to entertain themselves. It also talks about the importance of letting kids take risks and learn about the environment outside their front gates. This isn't really anything new to me - I know of quite a few families who actively try to counteract the overprotective parenting model that is rewarded these days.

Something I did find interesting was a part where she described what some of the lower income estates in London look like. She explained that many children simply can't play outside because of the young gangs and drug problems. Sue then made the statement "In my experience, it takes about ten years to turn human children into impulsive, unempathetic animals, so desperately antisocial that they destroy their own habitat. And the best way to do that is to rear them in captivity, malnourish them on junk and expoxe them to all the other aspects of toxic childhood".

Ten years isn't actually that long. And already in Australia, you can see some communities that have been sliding towards greater antisocial behaviour in their children. I think it's aweful that someone's child is described as "an impulsive, unempathetic animal". I would never want my child to wear that description. Elsewhere in the book, when talking about schooling, Sue describes a child who is "bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and up to speed in reading, writing and basic maths by the end of their primary years, they should be able to take full advantage of their secondary education and hopefully go on to be successful, hard-working adults." Now that's a description I wouldn't mind my children having.

The most difficult thing about parenting is doing the right thing, because that's usually the hardest route to take. It's difficult to watch your child work out how to get their ball off the roof without going in and getting it down for them. It's hard to say no when they want another piece of cake and they're throwing a tantrum on the floor. It's painful to watch your child wince through the clean up when they've had a major crash on their bike riding down the hill. But life is about learning, and kids need to learn in the context of life, not from the TV or from us telling them.

The greatest gift we can give our kids is to give them a chance to learn what it means to be a human being, who lives in community with other human beings.

Shed-nanigans

I've discovered that there are basically two types of husbands in this world - the handy and the not-so-handy. My husband fits into this second category. You know the type - fixes the chair, but it still wobbles underneath you; puts a hook in the wall that seems to come free way too often.

Despite this he has a shed full of tools, ladders and power thingies. Its also home to our camping gear, bikes and the chook food. Most of the time his shed is an absolute mess. There's so much stuff in the doorway you can rarely reach anything you need without tripping over bikes, paint sheets, pipes, timber, pavers and everything else that seems to be in your way.

Every now and then my husband says, "Come on kids, lets clean up the shed." I can smile at this now, but it wasn't always like that. His idea of cleaning up the shed is to find all sorts of long forgotten junk and pass it to the children who then usually aks him to make something with it. We've had forts in the back yard made from old bits of timber and a tarp; homemade wooden airplanes that required hours of painting, and; a bike repair shop on the path between the carport and the front door.

Sunday afternoon somehow turns into Monday morning and the shed is always in more of a mess than before. I'd set to work hanging out the washing and trip over all the things that had made their way from the shed to our yard. There were many frustrated screams in the early days of these shed clean-ups. But now I know that the clean-up is part of being a 'great dad'.

The process of working together to create things from junk is actually more valuable to our family than the act of cleaning up the shed. Any mug can clean up a shed (it's usually this mug who ends up doing that job) but it takes a real 'dad' to make the time to listen to the kids and help them make something from their ideas. Our kids love helping him clean up the shed because they know that he's setting the whole day aside to do the things that they want him to do. They know that Dad is going to listen and encourage them to dream.

The Blockbuster Principle

Have you noticed how easy it is to forget to take the DVDs back to the video shop? My family are pretty good with the overnight ones and even the weeklies, but it's those 3-day new releases that seem to get left on the top of the TV cabinet.

In the midst of late fees, I've discovered what I call The Blockbuster Principle. I think this principle sums up the art of admitting wrong and making restitution really well. You see, if you sneak your late DVD into Blockbuster and slide it into the return shute, then slink away, when you next go to borrow a movie you'll find they've slapped a late fee on your account which you have to pay before you can rent again. But if you go in with your late movie and tell them you're sorry its late and ask them how much you owe, they're usually so shocked they'll either waive the late fee or halve it if you pay it then and there.

I know your asking how this could be an earth shattering principle that has any impact beyond the DVD shelves, but doesn't this show that when we're willing to face up to our mistakes and the consequences that come with them, the impact is usually less severe than if we try to hide our guilt. Everyday my kids make mistakes or do something wrong that impacts on other people - that's human nature. But as I keep reminding them, part of growing up is learning to own up to our behaviour, say sorry and face the consequences.

If you test my principle next time you have a late DVD, let me know how it goes. But most importantly, show your kids how it goes. You might just save them from a long afternoon in the principal's office.

A Good Mother

Last night we had some excitement with a snake in our backyard. Unfortunately we found the snake in our guinea pig hutch after it had eaten the mother and killed one of our babies. We managed to save the 3 other babies, but there was a very sad mood over our house at bedtime.

This morning the kids have been talking about how the snake was just doing what it was made to do (thanks to Steve Irwin) and that Princess Leia was a very brave mother who gave up her own life to save her babies. The kids were impressed that that's what a mother does.

There's a passage in the Bible that identifies the traits of a good mother. It says that this mother is more precious than diamonds and deeply respected by her husband. This mother is never spiteful and is generous to all. She keeps a tidy and cheerful home and fills life with surprises. This good mother rises first in the house, prepares a hearty breakfast for her family and organises the day. She is careful with money, hard working and diligent. A good mother will help those around her in need and make sure that her family have all their needs met too. She faces each day with a smile and speaks with kindness. She's protective of the members of her family and makes sure they fulfill all their obligations outside of the home. This mother is so respected in the community that her husband is respected too.

I'm not sure that I come close to that high standard, but it does give me something to aim for. A little less yelling at the kids. A little more tolerance of their tantrums. Getting up cheerfully in the morning and thinking through all the things that need to be accomplished that day. Starting the day with a smile, kind words and a welcoming breakfast. These things aren't all that hard to do but will probably made all the difference.

My children already have a high opinion of me as a mother, so maybe I'm already on the road to being a good mother. It would be nice to think that one day they'll look back on my life and praise my motherhood like they did for Princess Leia this morning.

A Night To Remember

My son's Year 3 class is putting on a concert for the end of the year. His teacher has decided to relive World Expo 88 in an all-singing, all-dancing routine involving 50 kids, a movie set and a costume department.

The bad mother in me is really struggling to get enthusiastic about this one. You see, I went back to World Expo 88 just 3 years ago when my oldest boy was in this teacher's class. Expo wasn't at all like I remembered it. It seemed to drag on for hours, with each song leading to another one. My daughter was sick with an ear infection and languished on my knee for the entire show, while I sat on one of those tiny seats they use in Year 1 that never quite accommodate an adult bottom or back.

My son who is soon to be a star, spent that Expo, sobbing on my other knee after he tripped on the concrete, skinning both knees and an elbow. And then, to top off a fantastic night, my eldest son spent the night dancing and prancing with a sore arm that we'd had x-rayed the day before. First thing the next morning we were back at the hospital getting the plaster on, after they'd had another look at the x-ray and found a break.

So how do I put aside my bias and embrace this concert with joy? I'm trying to look at it through my son's eyes. The excitement of costumes, props and dress rehearsals. The after party and adoring fans. Yep, I'm getting a little more excited. I'm thinking of that big grin when he sees his family in the audience cheering him on.

The Latchkey

You'll have read in the paper or heard on the news a while back about the new laws relating to leaving children at home alone. Of course the law is still quite ambiguous, in that it doesn't tell us how long is an unreasonable amount of time, but it does say that it applies to children under 12 years of age.

This is one of those tricky parenting dilemmas I think. After all, you can't just turn around the day they turn 12 and say 'Right-e-oh, you're old enough to look after yourself now, I'll be back in 9 hours when I'm finished work." There has to be some sliding scale of learned independence and responsibility. So when do you start? How long is long enough?

Having a bit of a Google on this subject there seem to be a few things that we can do to teach our children this independence and responsibility without being neglectful. They include:

• Ensure it happens in a safe place, like at home, not the Jupiter's Casino carpark. Can you believe 28 children were left in their parents car at Jupiters last year?
• Set clear ground rules, like what they can and cannot do, what they can eat, what to do if someone calls by or phones and then general family rules as well.
• Make sure they know how long you will be away, how they can contact you if they need you and where they can find other phone numbers if they can't get onto you.
• Follow through - that means being home when you said you would, making regular phone calls to check they are going ok and haven't had any problems, and talking through how they went when you do get home.

It still doesn't answer the questions "How old is old enough?" and "How long is long enough?" but since when was parenting an easy task?

Swim Fest

My kids had a swim meet for their swimming club on Saturday. It was a great day and thankfully the storms held off and didn't spoil the carnival. We came home with piles of wet towels and clothes, a first, 4 seconds, a third, 4 competitor ribbons and a swag of PB's. If you're not a swimming family, then PB stands for 'Personal Best' and that's what you're striving to improve each time you race. But once we got home it all came unravelled, and PB turned into 'Pain in the Butt'.

You see it is a truth universally acknowledged that a child in possession of competitor ribbons will think they're a bad swimmer. Particularly when their 6 year old sister is waving 4 second ribbons in their face. It doesn't matter that they took 2 seconds off their PB in 2 strokes, they still came last and life might as well stop right now. You can't really take your PBs to school for show and tell now, can you?

Well after much discussion I'm hopeful we've got it straight that ribbons will fade or get lost somewhere in the bedroom, whereas a PB stands forever. I'm hoping that he'll find the strength within himself to have another go at racing later in the week, but in the meantime we're not really talking about it.

So what does this mean for mankind? I think too often we forget that kids are just like adults and like a physical reminder of their success. A competitor ribbon just doesn't cut it. That means we need to look for ways to help kids show what they are good at and how good they are. Self esteem is built on the understanding that you're important and valuable. You can't have self esteem without being good at something. Whether that's maths, drawing, playing an instrument, playing a sport, leading a group, cooking or something else. As parents, our number 1 job is helping kids find what they are good at, nurturing that talent or interest and then celebrating it loudly and proudly.

In the Bag

My eldest son is on his first school camp this week. Just 2 nights away from home but we've packed enough to last a week, so all should go well. We had a very difficult time seeing him off as it seems he didn't want to go in the end. As a child who doesn't really like change, I can understand why he behaved the way he did, but boy was it hard at the time. There was plenty of screaming and throwing shoes. Lots of excuses and arguements too. But in the end we dragged him to school and threw him on the bus, waving him off with smiles plastered on our faces.

I'm betting that when the bus pulls up at the end of the camp, he'll be one of the last off and will have erased all the leaving unpleasantness from his memory. And Dad and I will be standing there with smiles wondering why we had to go through all that angst.

I've spoken to many kids over the years about going on camp and found that many find the first trip away from home daunting. School camps give kids an opportunity to develop skills they can't learn quite as well in the classroom or at home. There's the self-responsibility that come with looking after your own clothing, making your own bed and turning up where you're expected to be at the required time. Then there's the challenging activities thrown at them, like rock climbing or hiking or camping out or teamwork tasks. These activities help kids think of themselves in the context of others and see themselves as someone who can give as well as take. Finally, there are the little details, like eating with good manners, having a shower every day (which is more of a problem for boys than girls), going to the toilet at the right time and leaving the boys alone (this one's for the girls).

When it's your turn for a child to go on camp, I'd encourage you to talk the trip up. Not only will you have a few nights without your darling, but you'll give them an opportunity to take a small step towards their adult self. In the meantime, I have a an early dinner to cook for the other kids and a movie lined up with my husband....before all that washing arrives home again.

Party Blues

My youngest child turns 6 this week, so we're gearing up for a very girly dancing birthday party on the weekend. I had suggested she invite 6 friends, she insisted that you couldn't have a party with anything less than 10, so by the time her brothers invite a friend for survival, I think I'm catering for around 15. Funny how the boys never argued about the size of the party. My eldest had his first sleepover party this year, when he and 3 friends slept in the tent. Of course, the little princess wanted a sleepover party too, but Dad and I firmly said "When you're ten too...", so we've survived that joy for much later.

I know this party will be horrendously tiring, well for me anyway. There will be some fancy cake to try and design from a round tin, square tin or ring tin, or some intricate combination of these. Then there's the pinata. I made a pinata for each of the boys when they turned 6, both of which turned out being a lolly fortress that had to be cut open. I'm actually hoping she won't remember that one. There will be the party games to think of, the yard to tidy up (and boy does that need some attention before the big day) and the party bags to make. Then there's the end-of-party/I'm-really-tired tantrum to survive when it's all over and I'm surrounded by a mess. But I'll do it anyway, because I know how special birthday parties make kids feel.

The beauty of birthday parties is that they celebrate milestones. Long ago milestones were celebrated for whole weeks with feasts and festivals and the entire community joined in. Reaching a certain age came with certain privileges and responsibilities. Young people grew into adulthood through a series of steps where adults guided their thinking and behaviour. As education has become more formalised, I think much of that social education has been lost, and that's why we see young men in their early 20's still acting like teenagers and putting their own lives and those of others at risk.

I'm not saying we should return to initiation rites or anything like that, but as a parent it makes me think about the question, "How am I breaking the passage to adulthood into steps?"

Such deep thinking like this will have to wait until I've make my "pin the crown on the princess" game.

Sticking to it...

This year I'm coaching my daughter's under 7 hockey team. I have eleven 5 and 6 year olds in the team and let me tell you, coaching junior sport is up there with childbirth, particularly when they all have a lump of wood in their hands.

I never realised how difficult it is to teach children really basic skills like dribbling the ball, passing and trapping, while at the same time trying to teach them how the game works. Each skills has to be introduced and then broken down into as many steps as possible and practiced over and over and over again. The difficulty of teaching such young girls is that while doing this I need to make sure that everyone is busy and that we stick to a good routine, but have different ways of practicing the skill. I'm absolutely worn out by the end of each training run and game!

It made me realise how much we as adults take for granted the learning process that our kids encounter at school each day. Learning to read involves the same skills as learning to play hockey - individual strategies are taught in the context of overall reading, followed by lots of practice. We can help our kids learn new skills by helping them to see the small steps in each skill, whether that's learning to cook, multiplication or how to tie shoelaces.

In the meantime, I've a game of "What's the Time Mr Wolf-with-hockey-sticks" to get ready for....