Which School?

There's lots of talk in my circle of friends at the moment about choosing a high school for our eldest children. Some people made this decision long ago, others are just doing it now, and other still can't make up their mind and keep chopping and changing.

I don't think this is a new phenomenon, but I do think it's become a more pressured decision. There is this school of thought that not getting it right will somehow cause untold harm to your child. I can't work out where this pressure comes from, but I know that big private schools are happy to perpetuate the hype so people feel they need to send their kids there so that they know how much the are truly loved.

In choosing a school, I think there are some important things to remember:

1. No school is perfect. Every school will do something that annoys you or feels like a burden. My experience of primary school is that that can be as simple as homework, changing the sports day or short notice for a school camp.
2. Your child will not become smarter if you choose a school that does better in the national tests. Our society is caught up with schools producing the best results, but who says that children need to perform their best to get along in life? From my memory, I got a few A's, but mostly B's and C's on my report cards. My husband was the same. But we've both gone on to have jobs that we enjoy, buy a house, have a family and enjoy holidays. School results are pretty small potatoes in the scheme of things.
3. There's nothing wrong with changing schools. I think it actually models to kids that you can always change if you make a wrong decision. I'm not recommending you endlessly move children around schools, shopping for the right one, but I think making a considered change when it's clear that a child is not thriving in one school, is fine.
4. Children should be able to get themselves there. I can think of nothing worse than having to drive my children to school everyday in Year 10 or 11. Surely, getting yourself to school is an important skills that children should learn when they go to high school. Public transport offers lots of life lessons to young people, and their level of safety can be greatly enhanced by the simple act of wearing a uniform and carrying a mobile phone. Public transport teaches children to be on time, that the bus will not wait for them if they dawdle. It teaches them to be responsible by requiring them to look after their possessions and carry the correct fare or card. It also teaches them to cope with change. There's nothing like the bus being late or not turning up to teach kids contingency skills.

The actual school you choose should be just one aspect of the high school experience. It's the social networking, part-time jobs and weekend experiences that go into the whole package of moving children through adolescence that makes high school such a special time of life.

The Problem of Teeenage Girls

I was speaking to a parent this week about the pitfalls of parenting a teenage girl when it comes to back chatting, shaving legs and sibling rivalry. It's made me realise that my six-year old's "You did my hair wrong!" tantrums will get a lot worse than "I did my hair wrong!" ones.

There seem to be 2 main issues that trouble girls as they near the end of primary school - body concerns and friendship problems. The issues of body concerns often feed into friendship problems as young women seek to adjust how the look to 'fit in' with their peers. So what can we do as parents? Well these are my well-researched ideas:

1. Panic, eat a bar of chocolate, watch a movie with a happy ending and then sit down with a cup of tea and ponder adolescence.
2. Set a good example - don't change your own outfit 15 times before going out for dinner and don't keep trying different diets only to put on more weight that you started with.
3. Make food a source of pleasure and ensure your family is eating together around the table as often as possible.
4. Talk openly about body shape and bring up the disadvantages of being a stick insect.
5. Be willing to give in on the little things. Yes we all know that shaving your legs is a good thing to delay, but no teenager is going to believe you, so instead invest your energy in negotiating a workable compromise - when can they start, who will pay for all the stuff they need and what you're actually saying yes to.
6. Talk up exercise for all it's benefits - managing weight, stress relief, feeling positive and being social. One day they might actually believe you! Eat another chocolate bar and sit down with another movie - adolescence is a long road, and you're going to need to pace yourself!

Of course, some of these may be harmful to your own body image, so please consult your own common sense before implementing all of my suggestions.