The Biggest Loser Principle

I've had coffee with many groups of mothers over the years and always heard similar conversations. Someone will raise a parenting issue that they are struggling with, and despite plenty of suggestions, none will really seem like the right solution to this problem. Having been a mother for over 11 years now, I know that more than our ideas, other mothers really just want our support. Because, to deal with most parenting problems, you have to face the fear of change before you're ready to actually make any change.

This topic came up with a colleague the other day, and I suggested that it's like The Biggest Loser. All of those people on the show, at some point realise that the way things are is much worse than the could be if they changed. As my friend put it, "The pain of change is less than the pain of remaining the same." I think this is a pretty good principle in life - the Biggest Loser Principle.

We can offer our friends, co-workers, family and clients all sorts of advice and support, but ultimately, people only change when the scales swing in favour of change and they find the inner strength to move towards that preferred outcome rather than stay in their comfort zone. That's when we need to be good friends and step in as their cheer squad when their motivation and enthusiasm fades. But, we can never get that ball rolling. Only they can. Just like on The Biggest Loser.

Swim Fest

My kids had a swim meet for their swimming club on Saturday. It was a great day and thankfully the storms held off and didn't spoil the carnival. We came home with piles of wet towels and clothes, a first, 4 seconds, a third, 4 competitor ribbons and a swag of PB's. If you're not a swimming family, then PB stands for 'Personal Best' and that's what you're striving to improve each time you race. But once we got home it all came unravelled, and PB turned into 'Pain in the Butt'.

You see it is a truth universally acknowledged that a child in possession of competitor ribbons will think they're a bad swimmer. Particularly when their 6 year old sister is waving 4 second ribbons in their face. It doesn't matter that they took 2 seconds off their PB in 2 strokes, they still came last and life might as well stop right now. You can't really take your PBs to school for show and tell now, can you?

Well after much discussion I'm hopeful we've got it straight that ribbons will fade or get lost somewhere in the bedroom, whereas a PB stands forever. I'm hoping that he'll find the strength within himself to have another go at racing later in the week, but in the meantime we're not really talking about it.

So what does this mean for mankind? I think too often we forget that kids are just like adults and like a physical reminder of their success. A competitor ribbon just doesn't cut it. That means we need to look for ways to help kids show what they are good at and how good they are. Self esteem is built on the understanding that you're important and valuable. You can't have self esteem without being good at something. Whether that's maths, drawing, playing an instrument, playing a sport, leading a group, cooking or something else. As parents, our number 1 job is helping kids find what they are good at, nurturing that talent or interest and then celebrating it loudly and proudly.