Party Blues

My youngest child turns 6 this week, so we're gearing up for a very girly dancing birthday party on the weekend. I had suggested she invite 6 friends, she insisted that you couldn't have a party with anything less than 10, so by the time her brothers invite a friend for survival, I think I'm catering for around 15. Funny how the boys never argued about the size of the party. My eldest had his first sleepover party this year, when he and 3 friends slept in the tent. Of course, the little princess wanted a sleepover party too, but Dad and I firmly said "When you're ten too...", so we've survived that joy for much later.

I know this party will be horrendously tiring, well for me anyway. There will be some fancy cake to try and design from a round tin, square tin or ring tin, or some intricate combination of these. Then there's the pinata. I made a pinata for each of the boys when they turned 6, both of which turned out being a lolly fortress that had to be cut open. I'm actually hoping she won't remember that one. There will be the party games to think of, the yard to tidy up (and boy does that need some attention before the big day) and the party bags to make. Then there's the end-of-party/I'm-really-tired tantrum to survive when it's all over and I'm surrounded by a mess. But I'll do it anyway, because I know how special birthday parties make kids feel.

The beauty of birthday parties is that they celebrate milestones. Long ago milestones were celebrated for whole weeks with feasts and festivals and the entire community joined in. Reaching a certain age came with certain privileges and responsibilities. Young people grew into adulthood through a series of steps where adults guided their thinking and behaviour. As education has become more formalised, I think much of that social education has been lost, and that's why we see young men in their early 20's still acting like teenagers and putting their own lives and those of others at risk.

I'm not saying we should return to initiation rites or anything like that, but as a parent it makes me think about the question, "How am I breaking the passage to adulthood into steps?"

Such deep thinking like this will have to wait until I've make my "pin the crown on the princess" game.

Sticking to it...

This year I'm coaching my daughter's under 7 hockey team. I have eleven 5 and 6 year olds in the team and let me tell you, coaching junior sport is up there with childbirth, particularly when they all have a lump of wood in their hands.

I never realised how difficult it is to teach children really basic skills like dribbling the ball, passing and trapping, while at the same time trying to teach them how the game works. Each skills has to be introduced and then broken down into as many steps as possible and practiced over and over and over again. The difficulty of teaching such young girls is that while doing this I need to make sure that everyone is busy and that we stick to a good routine, but have different ways of practicing the skill. I'm absolutely worn out by the end of each training run and game!

It made me realise how much we as adults take for granted the learning process that our kids encounter at school each day. Learning to read involves the same skills as learning to play hockey - individual strategies are taught in the context of overall reading, followed by lots of practice. We can help our kids learn new skills by helping them to see the small steps in each skill, whether that's learning to cook, multiplication or how to tie shoelaces.

In the meantime, I've a game of "What's the Time Mr Wolf-with-hockey-sticks" to get ready for....

Scavenging

Our suburb is having it's kerbside clean-up and it's been a topic of great fascination at our dinner table and in discussions with the kids' friends.

The kids were keen to go scavenging, which is enough to strike fear into the heart of any mother. My children seem to take the 'one man's rubbish is another's treasure' as a mission and bring all sorts of junk home.

After a bit of looking (as much as I could cope with anyway) all we brought home was a tyre to hang in the big jacaranda tree down the back as a swing. I asked the kids to take it down the back and next I see them all down at the back neighbour's fence looking rather guilty. As it turned out they'd decided the quickest way to move the tyre was to roll it down. They did that and then it continued to roll through the fence and into their backyard. All I could do was laugh! Thankfully, no damage was caused to their immaculate house or gardens and the tyre has since been retrieved and tied up into the tree.

Scavenging junk is about seeing the positives in something that's been discarded. Everyday, in my work as a chaplain I encountered kids, mums and dads who feel discarded because they can only see the negatives and don't feel valued. I'm continually amazed how people transform their lives when they start to see their positives and feel success. So while I'm happy we only have these council clean-ups every second year, people-'scavenging' is much more rewarding and can come around as often as it likes.

Worry Warts

Two years ago my eldest son got very stressed over the Year 3 test that required us to seek counselling for a number of months afterwards. We've never really worked out what happened, but his teacher told us he 'froze' on the day and had to be prompted to keep going. I thought we'd done everything right - we'd played down the importance of the test, told him that we all knew how good he was and the test wasn't going to tell us anything we didn't know, all sorts of things, but he still seemed to spiral into this depression that is quite scary to watch in an 8 year old.

I've since realised that some kids are just more anxious than others and struggle with new experiences like this. If you've got a child who's prone to worrying, then perhaps one of these things might help you:

• Keep them busy with something they like after they've done the things they need to do. Its really important not to throw the regular routines out, but add in something extra so they don't have time to worry.
• Feed them well. Kids who worry tend to go off their food which seems to fuel the body's reaction to stress, creating a vicous cycle.
• Keep them active. Add in a play in the park each afternoon, or a kick of the footy on the way home. The chemicals our body releases in exercise are natural stress-busters.
• Get them to bed well. Getting kids to bed by 8pm or 8.30 at the latest ensures they have enough sleep to function well the next day. Make sure that the preparation for bed is as relaxing as possible - give them a shower, have a cuddle and a chat, then put on some music or better still, read them a book. Touch and talk are valuable anti-stress tools.

And for all those parents with kids who wouldn't have a clue that anything different is happening - take a deep breathe and be thankful, I'm sure your turn will come with something else. That's how parenting works isn't it?