Mothers Day

Today is Mothers Day. It's my 11th year as a mother and my 36th with a mother. I've realised some important truths today about why Mothers Day is so important. I'm just sorry that it's taken me so long to work this out.

You see, as a kid, my family didn't celebrate Mothers Day. I don't remember having nice lunches or making Mum breakfast in bed. I can't even remember making her fancy homemade gifts at school and I don't remember ringing my grandmother in New Zealand either.

I think that was partly because my father was rarely at home and my mother wouldn't have drawn attention to herself. MyMum is a pretty humble lady who always downplays what she does.

But today, I've realised that Mothers Day is about saying thank you for all those things you haven't said thank you for over the year. The times Mum cleaned up the bedroom or did another load of washing. The days Mum stayed home when you were sick or rocked you to sleep when you were tired. The days that she cuddled you through your tears and spoke words of encouragement when you faced your fears. There are so many things that Mums do that go unthanked. I now realise I have a huge debt of Mothers Days to make up for.

These days, my thanks is more for stepping in and looking after the kids when I need a hand, or putting up with a change of plans when my life gets busy. My thanks is for accepting that I'm far from perfect and sometimes forget to call her. My thanks is for the opportunities she gives me to return the care she's given me over the years - cooking her meals and including her in the grandchildren's lives.

Mothers are the foundation of society. They teach children how to live in community and how to behave as adults. They are largely the unpaid workforce in society, that does the cooking, cleaning, childrearing and other volunteer work that keeps the economy going. Every mother deserves to feel valued today. I'm glad I got that right this year.

Movie Stars

Have you ever watched a movie with the kids and ended up watching the credits because they've fallen asleep all over you and you can't really be bothered carrying them all to bed just yet?

I'm amazed at how many people it takes to make a movie, and what names they come up with for their jobs. What does a best boy do? Or the key grip? I'm thinking that one has something to do with parking. Surely the second second assistant makes coffee for all the other assistants? But my favourite job is the 'graphics wrangler'. I'm not sure what they do, but I'd look forward to going to work each day with a title like that on my desk.

Have you noticed how you no longer do home duties anymore, you're a domestic engineer. And that a cleaner is now a sanitation consultant. In the last few years there seems to have been a drive to make jobs sound more important. A roo shooter out west is now called a macropod harvester, can you believe that? It's like we all need to be at the top of the heap, not the bottom.

Yet, deep down, all of us know that it's the poeple at the bottom of the workforce who do most of the work and keep society ticking over. These are the people who usually make sure we have clean workplaces, that the filing is done and that the little jobs that need attention are attended to. I'm sure it's the same in the movie trade, and these people with odd job titles are often the people who run around madly doing all the little things that enable that movie to actually end up on our big (or little) screens. Perhaps this is their way of getting some reward for their work, which makes me think I should take another second at the checkout to say thank you, or to help a hassled waitress relax with an "I don't mind".

Shed-nanigans

I've discovered that there are basically two types of husbands in this world - the handy and the not-so-handy. My husband fits into this second category. You know the type - fixes the chair, but it still wobbles underneath you; puts a hook in the wall that seems to come free way too often.

Despite this he has a shed full of tools, ladders and power thingies. Its also home to our camping gear, bikes and the chook food. Most of the time his shed is an absolute mess. There's so much stuff in the doorway you can rarely reach anything you need without tripping over bikes, paint sheets, pipes, timber, pavers and everything else that seems to be in your way.

Every now and then my husband says, "Come on kids, lets clean up the shed." I can smile at this now, but it wasn't always like that. His idea of cleaning up the shed is to find all sorts of long forgotten junk and pass it to the children who then usually aks him to make something with it. We've had forts in the back yard made from old bits of timber and a tarp; homemade wooden airplanes that required hours of painting, and; a bike repair shop on the path between the carport and the front door.

Sunday afternoon somehow turns into Monday morning and the shed is always in more of a mess than before. I'd set to work hanging out the washing and trip over all the things that had made their way from the shed to our yard. There were many frustrated screams in the early days of these shed clean-ups. But now I know that the clean-up is part of being a 'great dad'.

The process of working together to create things from junk is actually more valuable to our family than the act of cleaning up the shed. Any mug can clean up a shed (it's usually this mug who ends up doing that job) but it takes a real 'dad' to make the time to listen to the kids and help them make something from their ideas. Our kids love helping him clean up the shed because they know that he's setting the whole day aside to do the things that they want him to do. They know that Dad is going to listen and encourage them to dream.

The Blockbuster Principle

Have you noticed how easy it is to forget to take the DVDs back to the video shop? My family are pretty good with the overnight ones and even the weeklies, but it's those 3-day new releases that seem to get left on the top of the TV cabinet.

In the midst of late fees, I've discovered what I call The Blockbuster Principle. I think this principle sums up the art of admitting wrong and making restitution really well. You see, if you sneak your late DVD into Blockbuster and slide it into the return shute, then slink away, when you next go to borrow a movie you'll find they've slapped a late fee on your account which you have to pay before you can rent again. But if you go in with your late movie and tell them you're sorry its late and ask them how much you owe, they're usually so shocked they'll either waive the late fee or halve it if you pay it then and there.

I know your asking how this could be an earth shattering principle that has any impact beyond the DVD shelves, but doesn't this show that when we're willing to face up to our mistakes and the consequences that come with them, the impact is usually less severe than if we try to hide our guilt. Everyday my kids make mistakes or do something wrong that impacts on other people - that's human nature. But as I keep reminding them, part of growing up is learning to own up to our behaviour, say sorry and face the consequences.

If you test my principle next time you have a late DVD, let me know how it goes. But most importantly, show your kids how it goes. You might just save them from a long afternoon in the principal's office.

Kitchen Cheats

We had some friends over last night who we hadn't seen for years. We decided during our holiday that we should make an effort to have friends over for dinner now that the kids are happy enough to sit in front of the television while we entertain.

It was a great idea earlier in the week - I was looking forward to using the nice dinner set where all the pieces matched, and I was keen to get stuck in to making some new fancy dishes too. I love cooking and putting on dinner parties is a real joy for me. But as Friday got closer, reality hit.

Work to do, the house to tidy, things to do for the kids... When was I going to cook a fancy dinner, let alone shop for it and make myself and the children look presentable for company?

So I turned to a magazine which offered me a 'Cheat's Dinner Party'. That sounded like what I needed! And I have to tell you, it delivered what it said it would. I managed to shop, prepare the dinner party and clean up the house, children and myself in 2 hours - not bad hey!

The food was delicious and only needed a few tweaks to feed 7 instead of the intended 4. My daughter and I even had time to pick some flowers from the garden and make the table look fancy.

This made me think of the other ways that we can make life simpler by 'cheating'. After all the dinner plan was just a set of instructions to follow. How often in life do we stress out about something, when if we sit down and list all the steps we have to follow, we can accomplish something without too much fuss?

So today, I've got about 5 things to do, some big and some small. But I think I'll just see them as a set of steps to get me to the couch tonight by about 6pm to enjoy some time with my family and a nice glass of wine. My kids might even learn from my good habits!

One thing I know for sure is that next time, I'm not going to worry about entertaining. I'm just going to invite people around and plan the food around what else needs to be done.

Modern Life

Everyone talks about how busy modern life is. With the invention of the microwave, dishwasher and mobile phone, life only seems to have gotten busier. Why is that?

But along with that busy-ness, seems to be a constant change. People change jobs more frequently, roles within jobs, expectations, working conditions and hours seem to be constantly changing too. I feel that you can't really make long term plans anymore, because you can't really imagine what life will be like in 2, 5 or 10 years.

Five years ago my husband and I moved our family across the city for a number of reasons:

1. To be closer to his work, cutting down an 1.5hr commute to a matter of minutes each day, allowing him to spend more time with me and the kids.
2. To live in a community where our children could more safely enjoy some of the things we took for granted as children ourselves.
3. To give ourselves a choice of a number of high schools which would equip our children for their adult lives.
4. To live closer to friends to be able to enjoy the journey of life alongside.

In the time that has passed, so much has changed that we really have to dig deep to cling to those reasons. While my husband still only takes minutes to get to work, he works much longer hours when he is there, so we cling to the knowledge that he's able to drop in to see that race at the sports carnival or come home early now and again to watch a school concert.

Our community is really no different to any other community now and we're constantly struggling to allow our children to be independent without putting them at undue risk.

Our choice of high schools has significantly lowered with the closure of some and others adopting strict boundaries. Who would have thought that we now only have one choice, like we did before?

Our friends have moved away or have busy lives also, and as our children have grown, it's become quite difficult to have the social life we once had. In fact, most of our friends now are the parents of our children's friends. Friends we've made at the school gate and soccer sideline.

Modern life is all about change. Modern living is all about embracing change and being willing to make the best decision at the time based on what you think the future will be like. Most of all I think you have to adopt a 'no looking back' philosophy. You can have no regrets in modern life, because you just couldn't have known how life would turn out today.

Today, I'm thankful that modern life has enabled me to work from home using the internet, and not tied me to a desk in an office. I'm thankful that modern life has enabled me to free up some time to watch my son play school soccer tomorrow. I'm thankful that modern life had enabled my husband to take the kids for a ride this morning while I prepared bacon and eggs for a traditional family breakfast. Yes, modern life is all about change, but that doesn't mean the things that worked in the past can't be held onto into the future.

A New Path

Today I resigned from my job of nearly 4 years.

It was really hard to do. You see I'm not resigning because I don't like the job or I've got something else to go to. I'm quitting so that I've got more time to be with my kids.

I'm not stopping work altogether, but I am giving up a job I really love and feel valuable in. It's taken me some time to realise this is a decision I need to make for my family. But that doesn't mean it feels like the best choice for myself.

We've just come back from a trip around the outback. We've toured lots of museums that tell of what life was like in outback Australia in the 1800's. There were many tales of women who gave up everything -their own families, their country of birth, their position in society, their comfort, their safety and ultimately, their lives, so that farms could be settled on the fringes of settlement. This put into perspective my own position. I'm not leaving my house and I get to give something more to the people I love. I don't really have any reason to complain.

So starting tomorrow, I've decided to embrace the mindset of a pioneering mother:

• No more feeling sorry for myself about giving up what I want for others
• Looking for opportunities in everything that comes my way, even the things that don't seem to be going very well
• Being resourceful and making the most of what I have, not pining for the things I don't have
• Valuing every day I have with my children and husband and looking for ways to connect with each of them, individually, every day
• Connecting with other modern pioneer mothers who are doing their bit to shape the future generation
• Celebrating my motherhood by getting stuck into the jobs and then sitting down for a nice cup of tea on the patio

Life is good. I don't want to waste a day of it.